Stomach Stapling Browns Fans. There Is No God

OK, we know SI's Peter King is losing weight like mad and everything, so it's obviously on its mind. He still has a pretty amazing scoop in MMQB today:

Remember Big Dawg? The wide-bodied Cleveland Browns mascot with the flabby dog mask?

Got his stomach stapled. He's gone from a Bernese Mountain Dawg to, well, just about a greyhound. The Dawg weighed 539 at the time of the stapling, a year ago. He's down to 249. That's a 290-pound loss. He wants to get to 190.

When Cleveland Browns fans are getting stomach-stapling surgery, we're through the freaking looking glass here.

Monday Morning Quarterback [SI.com]