Everything About The Pro Bowl Was Half-Assed

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

• The one team of guys trying not to blow a hamstring beat the other team of guys trying not to shred their knees. Screengrab courtesy reader Grace.

• It tells you everything you need to know about Super Bowl week that the biggest story right now is the Packers' "team photo situation." No one gives a shit about this story, not even Sal Paolantonio. It's a test pattern of a story. This story is so manufactured the Chinese just put a 4 percent tariff on it. And in two days' time, when everyone is talking about Ines Sainz and Brett Favre, we will look back on this story as the week's intellectual high point.

• Steelers center Maurkice Pouncey will sit out the Super Bowl, but because he didn't make a pouty face on national television, no one is calling him a pussy.

• I didn't see it, but I'm told Mike Lupica addressed the media's fragging of Jay Cutler on yesterday's edition of Sports Reporters Drink Water out of Mugs, cautioning his colleagues that "we" shouldn't "define" Cutler based on "our" limited and inexpert knowledge of his medical condition. Armchair physician, heal thyself.

• We are tied in a single garment of destiny, and that garment is a replica Mets jersey.

• St. John's ran Duke out of the Garden. Some of those Johnnies sure earned their paychecks last night.

• "There are a lot of fake tough guys in this league and he's one of them," Kevin Durant said of Chris Bosh after the Heat's victory yesterday. Adrian Wojnarowski just reached for his pearls.

• Stuart Scott is undergoing chemo.

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Good morning. There's a new intern in the house today. Be nice to Jack, everyone.