Everything Tiger Woods Does Is Funnier In Retrospect

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

* A reader emails: "Ironic Tiger ads may be played out at this point, but I was in hawaii last week and saw this in the bathroom in a bar in oahu, pretty damn funny." Played out sure, but how did we not see that the guy's entire marketing strategy was based around his virility. People pissing in Oahu bars should have recognized this cry for help.

* The Chargers discover a loophole in the Collective Bargaining Agreement that says teams are not required to demonstrate loyalty by giving the bulk of their carries to hobbled, aging running backs who are mere shadows of their once-great former selves, so they immediately cut LaDainian Tomlinson. [ESPN]

* Allen Iverson leaves the 76ers to take care of his sick daughter, but probably won't be back, ever. He's running out of teams to resurrect his career with.

* As Canada concedes that they will not "own the podium" this year, Martin Brodeur is benched in favor of Canucks goalie Roberto Luongo. No pressure, buddy. [USA Today]

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Tuesday. Life goes on, brah.