Football Page 821 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Worst People Win Again
All the terrible people are happy today. Robert Kraft is happy, and presumably has a low arm wrapped around an auto show model, because another ring only further burnishes his title of King Of All Owners. Tom Brady is happy because he gets to frame himself as an underdog who overcame impossible odds...
Well, That Sucked
At no time was Super Bowl 53 as compelling, entertaining, or satisfying as that video of a naked guy pooping while flipping into a lake. Sunday evening would have been better spent watching that again. But we watch the Super Bowls we are given, so our options are either to admire the defensive domin...
Tom Brady Got <i>Thiiiiiis</i> Close To Kissing Bob Kraft On The Lips
The Patriots won the Super Bowl again (hooray, whatever). As the celebrations for the lowest-scoring title game in this era of the league’s history began, an inescapable scrum of photographers, security personnel, and CBS’s Tracy Wolfson immediately began to surround Tom Brady as he celebrated with ...
God Fucking Dammit
Well the Patriots won the fucking Super Bowl again, defeating the Rams 13-3. It was somehow even less fun to watch than that last sentence was to read, as 53 minutes elapsed before anything of substance happened on the offensive side of the ball. Tom Brady now has more Super Bowl wins than any other...
Exciting Play Almost Happens
Holy shit! This could have really swung things in the Patriots’ favor by giving them the best field position they would have had all day! Instead, it resulted in a good stiff-arm for Anderson and a seven-yard gain. Too bad the ball is an oblong shape and it just escaped the grasp of Dont’a Hightower...
Super Bowl Record Broken
If ever there were a Super Bowl to set a punting record, this was the one....
Patriots' Patrick Chung Exits Super Bowl In Air Cast After Going Down With Arm Injury
Patriots safety Patrick Chung was taken out of the Super Bowl on his own power after suffering an arm injury during a tackle attempt in the third quarter of the game....
At Least It Can Only Get Better From Here, Right?
Well that was horrendously boring....
Super Bowl Officials Couldn't Even Get The Make-Up Call On Nickell Robey-Coleman Right
You gotta hand it to NFL officials, they always find a way to screw-up even the simplest of lay-ups....
Report: The Patriots Blame Tom Brady's Quack Trainer For Gronk's Injuries
Rob Gronkowski is hobbled and washed, and Patriots brass at least in part blames Alex Guerrero, Tom Brady’s quack/body advisor. That’s according to a report by the NFL Network’s Michael Giardi:...
Florida State Cuts QB Deondre Francois After Woman Posts Audio Of Man Threatening To Beat Her
Florida State has cut starting quarterback Deondre Francois after he was accused of domestic violence for the second time. FSU coach Willie Taggart said in a statement, “Last night, I informed Deondre Francois that he is no longer a member of the Florida State football program.”...
Soft Baby President Says Football Too Scary For Child <em></em>
Throughout the 2016 campaign and well into his administration, Donald Trump has made a point of calling the modern NFL cowardly and unwatchable for its slightly increased emphasis on concussion prevention. A sampling:...
What Time Does 'What Time Does The Super Bowl Start?' Start?
The time has come once again for the “big game,” the football-related contest that surrounds every first Sunday of February, the race to the top for the big trophy. That trophy is, of course, dominance over other grimy web publications who engage in the now-annual, semi-hallowed practice of debasing...
NFL Teams Are Taking All The Wrong Lessons From Sean McVay's Success
It’s a commonplace that the NFL is a copycat league, but that doesn’t tell the whole story. Look at the rise of Sean McVay, which in recent months has prompted a mad scramble among teams for McVayalikes the world over. Confronted with one successful unorthodox coaching hire, many NFL teams seized on...
Georgia Businessman Disappears After Super Bowl Tickets Scam Nets Him Over $750K, Including $36K From His Own Mother
Gwinnet County, Georgia investigators are giving Ketan Shah until Sunday to give his side of a story that currently has him accused of swindling almost a dozen people out of over $750,000 in a Super Bowl ticket scam that has been going for months, according to Atlanta ABC-affiliate WSB-TV....
Not Even The Lawyers Can Agree On What's Going On With The NFL Concussion Settlement
A judge’s order that called for a clarification of the physicians’ rules for the NFL concussion settlement will not affect the standard those physicians must use to issue a qualifying diagnosis, thus ostensibly making it easier for former players to qualify for settlement money, according to a lawye...
I, The One Person Who Still Doesn't Believe In The Patriots, Know They'll Finally Be Exposed As A Sham In Their Third Straight Super Bowl
After my previous missive, one written before the New England Patriots defeated the Kansas City Chiefs in the AFC title game and earned a trip to the Super Bowl, I had many common oafs criticize my prognostication through electronic mail and other various mediums. You lummox, these messages would st...
Roger Goodell Says He Reached Out To The Saints; Michael Thomas Says That's A Lie
NFL commissioner Roger Goodell was his usual charmless, evasive self at yesterday’s annual pre-Super Bowl press conference. He dodged all the hard questions and didn’t have anything interesting to say, but he did claim to have reached out to Saints head coach Sean Payton and a few Saints players in ...
Patrick Peterson: Upon Second Thought, I Shall Ride The Towering Assberg
Back in October, with his horrid Cardinals stuck at 1–6 and playing like a gigantic ass that was pooped out by an even larger ass, Pro Bowl cornerback Patrick Peterson reached the end of his rope and demanded a trade, sending word through Adam Schefter that he “desperately” wanted a change of scener...
Here Is A Delightful Anecdote From Cameron Jordan About The Browns Being Incompetent
Now, everyone knows that former Cal defensive lineman Cameron Jordan was selected with the 24th overall pick in the 2011 NFL Draft. What the Tom Heckert/Pat Shurmur–era Browns presupposed at the time was....maybe he wasn’t?...