George Washington Colonials

1. Hip....Hip-op....Hip-op-anatamus. He get all da easy ones! The champs of the A-10 Tournament are the fightin' Colonials from the George Washington University. Thank god they don't call it that, like some teams I know. In the Big Ten. Who wear red and gray. While the Gdubs are called The Colonials for purposes of a mascot, they actually have three mascots present at each game: Little George (a person wearing a Revolutionary War costume with a giant George Washington head), Big George (a 10-ft. tall inflatable George Washington) and the Hippo (an inflatable Hippo). Emily Yoffe (of slate.com) has an hilarious article about her experience being inside Big George (not a euphemism). She also shares her story of the last time she attended a GW basketball game where her daughter was so scared by Little George that later that night Yoffe and her husband heard the two-year-old over the baby monitor going, "Giant head, no! No, George Washington giant head! Very scary! Very scary! No, George!" In case you were wondering, the Hippo is due to GW's secret society, The Order of the Hippo. According to the GW Wikipedia entry, "it is unknown what this secret society does on a daily basis." I can only speculate as to whether or not the Order's activities include using Big George's cell phone to send pictures of Little George to unsuspecting GW co-eds.

2. Yinka Dinka Doo. Probably the most famous basketball alumni of GW is Yinka Dare (not to be confused with Deadspin commenter Yinka Double Dare). Yinka had a lot of success as a Colonial and then went on to become one of the biggest underachievers in NBA history. In his rookie season, he played for three minutes before getting a season-ending knee injury. Each minute he played was worth $300,000. I wish my time were considered that valuable. In his four-year career, Dare recorded 96 turnovers and four assists, which is one of the worst A/TO ratio in NBA history. I was all set to really lay into what a doof this guy was, and then I read that he died of a heart attack three years ago at the age of 32 and felt like shit.

3. So, Who Shelled Out $38,000 per Year for this Place? Notable Alums who Did Not Play Basketball and Also Make Me Feel Guilty for Being Mean include: Kenneth Starr, L. Ron Hubbard, Red Auerbach, current Chairman of the Joint Chiefs Gen. Peter Pace (and three former CotJCs Vessey, Shalikashvili and Powell), Allen Dulles (former CIA director), J. Edgar Hoover, W. Mark Felt (Deep Throat) and Charles W. Colson and Leon Jaworski, who were on opposite sides of the Watergate scandal. Those hearings must've been like an Order of the Hippo reunion barbecue. Finally, we now know who to thank for our WWL Overlords. Founder of ESPN Chet Simmons (I will not debate this. Period.) is a graduate of the George Washington University. Bonus tidbit: I read that in 1999 GW "acquired" the Mount Vernon College for Women. It does not specify what they did with it. I like to think the students were for the Order of the Hippo members, and it was all very hush-hush. — Andrea Reiher