Goodell Definitely Suspends Vick Indefinitely

Back in Catholic high school, when our dress code was a shirt and tie, one day a student came to class in proper dress code. When the teacher stepped out for a second, he tore off his collared shirt and khaki pants to reveal his underlying outfit: a waterskiing wetsuit. He didn't get in trouble for the legendary act, but later in the class another kid was reprimanded when he put on a baseball hat, to which his class response was: "MR. DOUGLASS, HE'S WEARING A WETSUIT!" Had this incident mirror, forever etched in my memories of high school, mirrored the way NFL commissioner Roger Goodell handled Pacman Jones and Michael Vick, I would have laughed.

Jones, of course, was suspended for the season despite never being legally convicted of anything, but instead for violating Goodell's player conduct policy. Meanwhile, Vick's guilty plea on dogfighting-related charges will put him in prison for no more than five years. Upon news of the guilty plea — and therefore, legal confession — Commissioner Goodell suspended Vick indefinitely.

Aw, life's no fun with stuff makes sense.

An aside on the English language: I never cared for the word "indefinitely" in context to suspensions. He's definitely suspended. "Goodell suspended Vick definitely." Makes more sense to me.

So instead of a hilarious inconsistency from the commissioner's office, methinks the Vick suspension will surpass that of Pacman's, justice will be served, and Goodell will be able to continue ruling the NFL with further ironfistery. By the way, did you hear about his proposed rule changes for this year's NFL season?

• No substitutions • No penalties • No time limit

Also, hey Vick, nice signature you got there.

C'est la Vie, Michael Vick [With Malice]