Grandma Got Ran Over By A Syringe

As we all know, steroids are scourge on our great nation and must be eradicated before Al Qaeda uses them to take over the United States. And the menace is getting worse: Turns out, now grandmothers are using them.

Duluth, Minn. Grandma's Marathon organizers disqualified the 2006 women's winner after she tested positive for an anabolic steroid. Halina Karnatsevich, 36, of Belarus, tested positive for a banned substance, marathon organizers said in a news release Thursday. The International Association of Athletics Federations Web site indicated the substance was stanozolol.

OK, OK, she's not really a grandmother — unless they start 'em REAL young in Belarus — but in fact the winner of the yearly Duluth Grandmother Marathon, sponsored by a quaint local restaurant called Grandma's, a name that has now been soiled by the scourge of stanozolol. But if Grandma Luge ends up testing positive, we're moving to Canada.

Grandma's On Steroids [Steroid Nation]