Help This Fat Man Have A Heart Attack!

We don't usually pay much attention to these, well, blatant Internets grabs at attention, but we kind of liked this one: A 435-pound-man is auctioning off his running in the Boston Marathon. All proceeds go to the American Cancer Society. We think he's probably got a while to go.

"438-Pound Beekeeper From Wisconsin Does The Unthinkable For Charity..." Vows To Lose 100 Pounds... And Conquer the Most-Physically Demanding Marathon in the World... With ONLY 3 Months of Training! If Jacob doesn't finish the marathon, the winning bidder can place ANY tattoo on Jacob's back of his or her choosing (provided it doesn't classify as hate speech). This is a very large man and will be great for publicity.

We think the part we love the most is that he's a beekeeper; that's a random touch that somehow seems perfect. Anyway, no one has met the bid yet, and his site shows he's training, so time's running out. Patriots Day is in 11 days, after all.

438 lb. Man Running Boston Marathon For Cancer Charity [eBay] What Would Jacob Do?