Honestly, Joe Maddon's Idea For Twitter Sounds Boring

Joe Maddon did his best to explain his questionable bullpen usage, but this is way more important than the effectiveness of baseball’s best reliever in Game 7 of the World Series: Maddon wants to fix Twitter.

Maddon took a pregame question about Kyle Hendricks’s confidence as an excuse to veer (at around the 20-second mark) into a pitch for the existence of two separate Twitters:

“I think there should be two forms of Twitter. There should be the positive form of Twitter and the negative form, and you have to choose one. And if you choose to be on Negative Twitter, then you’re not welcome on Positive Twitter ever.”

Bye, Joe!

Negative Twitter (a.k.a. “Twitter”) is great! I am a miserable dick who generates my self-worth from laughing at and dumping on other people, notable and otherwise, at no real risk to myself. Maddon’s happy-crappy Positive Twitter, where I assume people will be mostly telling knock-knock jokes, sharing photos of their ugly children, and publicly praising their colleagues’ (terrible) work, sounds tedious as all hell. That’s not why people go on the internet.

I am here for racist morons getting insulted, jokes about blowing 3-1 leads, awful columns getting roasted, and literally every video you can give me of kids getting hurt in humorous ways. I cry-laughed in my empty apartment last night while watching this over and over:

You won’t find that child injury on Positive Twitter, so who’d want to be there?