How Can One Game Contain So Much Fail?

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

•The first ever meeting of two 24-loss teams before January went exactly as you'd picture. With 16 seconds left, down 4, the Nets hold for a Yi Jianlian three pointer at the buzzer. It clangs off the top of the backboard.

•A Chiefs fan says Todd Haley flipped him the bird. Haley says he did no such thing. Literally, at least. The Chiefs have been giving Kansas City the metaphorical finger for the last four months.

• Fred Taylor — Mr. Jaguar — says the Jags moving to Los Angeles "would be good for the NFL." He's right, you know. But try explaining that to the literally hundreds of Jacksonville fans.

• Gary Patterson is named the AP's Coach Of The Year. But BCS, how can that be? Even if TCU goes 13-0, they still won't have beaten anybody, right?

• The No. 1 Huskies (wo)manhandled No. 2 Stanford, making an undefeated season look all the likelier. It's UConn's world; we're just not paying attention in it.

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Merry Christmas Eve. Don't forget to check out NORAD's Santa tracking if you have kiddies, or are just a big geek like I am. Once again: the greatest Christmas song of all time: