How To Stay "Busy" Until 6:17 p.m.

If you open your window and spit, you'll likely hit a channel with some kind of Super Bowl pregame show. But if you have Final Fantasy Legend III for the original GameBoy lying around, for the love of God don't spit on it, because that's my recommended retro game for the day.

FFL III is the only game of the FFL trilogy that actually makes any goddamn sense, and this is the one where robots can transform to humans just by eating a dead enemy's flesh. That oughta tell you just how much of a shitcartridge FFL I was.

Onto TV listings:

• Noon, which is now — Movie: Mrs. Doubtfire. A heartwarming tale of how one man dresses up as a 70-year-old woman to stop his ex-wife from fucking James Bond. [ABC Family]

• 1 p.m. — Snowboarding: Jeep King of the Mountain. I thought we established the king of the mountain was Sir Edmund Hillary. [CBS]

• 2 p.m. — NHL: New York Rangers at Montreal Canadians. What a coincidence, the collective TV viewership is also nicknamed the Original Six. [NBC]

• 2 p.m. — AMA Supercross, Anaheim, California. Even though it's a viable option around lunchtime, I prefer the Supersalad special. [CBS]

• 2 p.m. — Bowling: PBA Exempt Doubles Classic, Las Vegas. Just because the tournament is exempt doesn't mean you're exempt from watching it. There will be bowling questions on tonight's live blog. [ESPN]

• 2:30 p.m. — NBA: Dallas Mavericks at Detroit Pistons. They're playing this during the day so Lindsey Hunter will be able to make his cribbage tournament tonight. [ABC]

• 3 p.m. — Movie: Ice Age. A heartwarming tale of how one woolly mammoth's PowerPoint presentation convinces a nation of mastodons to raise emission standards. [FX]

• 3 p.m. — Golf: FBR Open, final round, Scottsdale, Arizona. Just like everyone predicted, J.B. Holmes and Charles Warren share the lead after 54. [CBS]

• 4 p.m. — Movie: Fools Rush In. A heartwarming tale of how I try to get you to watch Fools Rush In, then laugh behind your back when you do. [TBS]