Hugh Johnson Project, Update 1

"This is probably the 100th IM you've received about this, but there's a sign behind Kirk Herbstreit that says "Corso", then a picture of a heart, then a picture of a hairy penis." - Kill Bill Wirtz

100th would be a conservative estimate. By the way, if anyone has a picture of that, I'd be your best friend. [email protected].

"We really had every intention of going to the horse track today, the fact that we couldn't contribute to the Hugh Johnson Project was good enough incentive to stay home... and drink." - Mikel, Cohron, Ian; Lexington, KY

"Also, I feel compelled to point out that Miami's best play - the one they scored the touchdown on - was a pass by a defensive back, and that was their first TD to a WR or TE the whole year. This is never a good sign for a team." - Josh Da Cane

"I know its a little early to kick around Walt Harris and Stanford, but has anyone ever noticed that Walt and Steve Carell have never been seen at the same place at the same time? I keep on waiting for Walt to bust out with an 'I killed a guy with a trident' or an 'I love lamp' on the way into the locker room at halftime when down 27-3. - MajorHarris4Heisman

"Alfonso Smith just got ejected for punching a Clemson player. Terrible, terrible play. Doesn't he know he's supposed to take his helmet off first?" - Don'tDisrespect2ndPlaceJays

"I want to give Wayne Larrivee credit for not stating the obvious: it is easier to score on the Indiana secondary than it is to score with a drunk Paris Hilton. This would have never happened if Terry Hoeppner was still alive. - Smitty

"I am guessing that Indiana's head coach is wishing he was getting chemo instead of having to watch his team get destroyed by the mighty Illini." - Quack

"Am I the only one damning Tony Hunt's mother for not naming him Mike? This game would be so much more entertaining hearing Pam Ward have to say that over and over." - Drizzle

"I'm not sure how much fashion plays in football, but I could tell when Clemson & Wake lined up there was no way the Tigers were covering 15 1/2.... Wake in Black and Gold, Clemson in creamsicle orange and purple pants." - Johnny Premier, NYC

As always, the AOL Instant Messenger name is DeadspinFootball.