Human Knees Do Not Bend That Way

Your morning roundup for Feb. 8, the day we were shanked to death by our own cock.

• The Canucks reel off their sixth straight win to extend their NHL-best record, but defenseman Keith Ballard is probably out for a while after...well, you see. I think the redesign was put in place just to gross you out with extra-large hockey injury photos.

•The Packers are already looking toward next season, if there is a next season. "We've got one, so now what?" said Aaron Rodgers. "Let's go get another one." Oh great. He's becoming as insufferable as the Pittsburgh fans he worked so hard to destroy.

•Cleveland competes the drive for 25: after a a three-point loss to Dallas, the Cavs own any and all records for consecutive losses.

•Carmelo Anthony went off for a career-high 50 points, but the Nuggets still fell to Houston. I was under the impression the Groundhog didn't see his shadow, meaning we wouldn't have three more weeks of trade talk.

•Michael Young said the Rangers "misled and manipulated" him and he wants to be traded. Don't feel bad Michael, we were all misled and manipulated except Jon Heyman. He knew there was a mystery team for Cliff Lee all along.

•Darrelle Revis would love it if Chad Ochocinco/Johnson became a Jet next season. Because collecting troubled wide receivers has always worked for every team ever.

• Rick Reilly runs into Fergie in an elevator. How much do you want to bet hilarity ensues?

•Here's your feel-good story of the day, before we scuzz it up: Wake Forest's baseball coach donated a kidney to a freshman player who has yet to play a game.

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Good morning. Deep breaths.