I Would Die For These Pigs That Look Like Sheep

A Palatine of Hungary crosses some boars and sows in some Austro-Hungarian barn. He creates a new breed of swine, the Mangalica pig. Upon seeing the result of his meddling with nature, the palatine claps his hands in delight—probably.

A lady biking through present-day Kent, England passes a field that is home to a pair of Mangalica pigs, introduced to the U.K. early in the 21st Century. She stops, amazed, and takes the video above.. “Hello, sheepy pigs,” she says. She tries to woo them. She starts telling them what to do. “No, don’t get up!” She stops recording, and claps her hands in delight—probably.

The near-future United States is in ruins. Clutching a broken Smart Broomstick, I take a stand between the last remaining Mangalica pig and a hungry woman wielding a Smart Hatchet. The enemy lunges at me. We wound each other and collapse to the ground. It’s fatal. As I expire, the pig comes up and sniffs me in thankful grace as I look it in the eye. I fail to clap my hands in delight due to massive blood loss.