If You Give A Trump A Hooker

If you give a Trump a hooker

He’ll probably take her back to his hotel room.

If he takes her back to his hotel room

He’ll probably take her to the bed.

If he takes her to the bed

He’ll probably ask her to pee on it.

If she pees on the bed

She’s probably getting paid to do it.

If she’s getting paid to pee on the bed

She’s probably getting paid by the FSB.

If she’s getting paid by the FSB

There are probably cameras in the hotel room.

If there are cameras in the hotel room

They’re probably recording what happens on the bed.

If the cameras are recording what happens on the bed

The FSB is probably saving the video.

If the FSB is saving the video

It probably intends to use it.

If the FSB intends to use the video,

Trump probably needs to be in a position of power.

If Trump is going to be in a position of power

He probably needs to run for office.

If Trump needs to run for office

He probably has to feel good about himself.

If Trump wants to feel good about himself

He probably needs to witness the degradation of others.

If Trump wants to witness the degradation of others

He probably needs to see someone pee on the bed again.

If he wants to see someone pee on the bed again

He’s probably going to ask for another hooker.

This is a work of fiction. Any real-world allegations it may resemble are unsubstantiated at present. Apologies to Laura Joffe Numeroff and Felicia Bond.