If You're Reading This Post, You Now Have Swine Flu

The state of Texas is postponing all of its high school sports activities (plus some nerdy stuff) in order to keep their filthy population from spreading the deadly pork-based flu virus. You may commence panicking.

The University Interscholastic League, which is actually the high school sports authority (go Texas!), has canceled or postponed all events until May 11, including the Academic State Meet and the State Wind Ensemble Festival. Sonofa! The regional track meets scheduled for this weekend will also be folded into the state meet. I don't know how you feel, but if they are shutting down high school softball games because of this global pandemic then I think the swine have already won.

Even worse, our own president was recently spotted with the University of Connecticut women's basketball championship team playing a game of ... P-I-G! I KNEW IT! Obama is a secret swine operative sent to infiltrate our highest levels of government and give us all stomach cramps. I knew I should have voted for Kucinich.

Swine flu outbreak shuts down prep sports in Texas [USA Today] UIL competition suspended because of swine flu [HS Game Time Blog]