Is That A Fleur de Lis In Your Throat Or Are You Just Drunk?

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

* A New Orleans woman swallowed her Saints earring last week (after thinking it was one of her vitamins), but doctors fished it out in time for her to wear it to a Super Bowl party. It's the grossest good luck charm ever. [WWL]

* Programming note: The victory parade starts at 5 p.m. today, so the people currently passed out in the gutter on St. Charles should have an excellent viewing spot. [NOLA.com]

* As for the Colts, they are still beloved in Indy. At least by the 11 people who showed up to greet them at the airport. Ouch. [Indy Star]

* Donte Stallworth was reinstated by commissioner Roger Goodell, just in time for the Browns to cut him lose. Good thing that team has so much talent to burn! [Bloomberg]

* The Brewers plan to build a statue in front of Miller Park to honor the organization (and baseball's!) greatest hero: Allan H. Selig. Please, hold your vomit until you get to a sink. [MLB]

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Tuesday, huh? By the way, to anyone who thought The Who were dressed like silly old men the other night: Was it any worse than this? '80s Daltrey owns the casual scarf look.