• Upon viewing screen shots from tipsters JD and Paul H from last night's 3-1 Vancouver Canucks win over the mighty Los Angeles Kings, the initial reaction was "potential April Fools' photo shop." Nope. Hockey Luvin Homo is here, so get used to it. In wholly inferior news, the Canucks claimed their first President's Cup ever with the win. [Vancouver Sun]
• Hockey Luvin Homo: Not an April Fools' joke. How about a website's claim that they have photographs of Barry Bonds's testicles? [BallHyped]
• Comic Sans Alert! [Zap 2 It]
• Congratulations go out to Albert Pujols of the St. Louis Cardinals for becoming the first player in Major League Baseball history to hit into three double-plays on Opening Day. In all, Pujols was responsible for eight outs in the game. [Rumors and Rants]
"It's just a bad game, man," Pujols said. "What, am I going to shoot myself up? It's just a bad game, and that's it."
• The Wichita State Shockers totally won the NIT over Alabama last night.
"I'm never going to forget it," WSU senior J.T. Durley said. "I'm a champion. We're tough, and we pulled it out."
Aw, what adorable wittle champions. Yes they are! [Wichita Eagle]
• Sidney Crosby is said to have looked "good" at the Penguins morning skate-around yesterday. But concussion-afflicted Crosby doesn't know if/when he'll look "good" in a real game. [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette]
• Wizards rookie John Wall got suspended for one game without pay while Zydrunas Ilgauskas and Juwan Howard of the Heat were fined because of that whole elbow-punching incident the other night.
"Got hit by the elbow and reacted to it. Disappointed in the way I reacted. I let my teammates down, let the organization down," Wall said. "It was two elbows. I got hit with the first one; I stopped and waited. And the second one, I got hit, and I just reacted." [Yahoo Sports]
• Offering your semi-regular Jello Wrestling update, tipster Tom shares footage from The Boot in Shreveport, Louisiana: "Tonight, long after the champion had been decided, two girls had a score to settle and they decided to settle that score. Their catfight was decidedly the best match of the night." Hugs not drugs. [YouTube]
• Before the University of Tennessee tapped Cuonzo Martin to replace Bruce Pearl as head basketball coach, a forward-looking administrator registered the domain names firecuonzo.com, firecuonzomartin.com and firecoachmartin.com. [Metro Pulse]
• In first-ballpark-fight of the baseball season news, the first ballpark fight of the baseball season was filmed at Dodgers Stadium. Bravo. [YouTube] (H/T Negativo)
• One of Liverpool's sponsors wants the club to go ahead and sign more Asian players. Per The Independent, Standard Chartered's chief executive Peter Sands thinks this would help them "capitalize on their marketability in that continent, where Standard have a huge market. ... The bank's Asian customers apparently love Anfield's quintissential football character." [Independent]
• Here's a link to video of Zinedine Zidane tripping and falling in front of schoolkids in Lyon, France. [SportPost]
A few stories you might've missed.
Human Highlights: Somebody wanted some money from Dominique Wilkins. So, somebody got hit.
Lockout Pains: Chad Pennington got hurt. Again. This time, he was playing pickup basketball.
Otherness: India, Pakistan, and myth of cricket diplomacy.
Poser: A-Rod. Kale. Action!