Jerry Jones And NFL Calmly Resolve Legal Battle, To The Disappointment Of Everyone Else

The NFL machine should be napping right now, but the rich white dudes who run the league will never stop trying to swing their otherwise useless dicks. The latest drama was a spat between Roger Goodell and Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, who Goodell ordered to pay about $2 million of the NFL’s legal fees for their defense of Ezekiel Elliott’s six-game suspension last season.

Unfortunately for fans who hoped that the scuffle would end with at least one widely hated man suffering immense embarrassment, Jones and the league appear to have settled amicably.

I have to imagine that someone as inhumanly rich as Jerry Jones only feels alive when he is emasculating his rivals through the U.S. legal system, so this settlement comes as both a surprise and a disappointment. And for those who thought the saga of Elliott’s disciplinary process would never end, it’s pretty anticlimatic. But now, everyone is free to move on to any other entirely stupid, NFL-created controversy of their choosing.