Jo-Jo Reyes Can't Win

We don't know if Jo-Jo Reyes was watching Wilson Valdez celebrate an unlikely W after six seasons as a non-pitcher, and we don't know if he's reading about it right now. We do know that if we were in his position, it would make us want to throw a goddamn chair through the window.

Reyes is a pitcher, you see, and for three years, he hasn't been able to accomplish the sole objective for any pitcher, the thing that Wilson Freaking Valdez was able to do in 10 pitches last night: win a ball game.

It was a lovely Southern California evening, June 13, 2008, when Reyes — then with the Braves — scattered five hits over eight innings and picked up a comfortable win over the Angels. Since then, he's gone 0-13 in 31 appearances, 28 of them starts, which ties a major league record.

And here's the thing: he's not terrible. I mean, he can be, and on the whole he's not a very good major league pitcher. But he threw seven shutout innings in Houston last week, and left with a lead against Tampa Bay earlier this month, and has six "quality starts" over his losing streak. I know that wins are the most useless stat for pitchers (possibly outside of quality starts), but Jo-Jo Reyes's continuing futility, which often as not is out of his hands, is a a slow motion car wreck of the prime of his career.

Maybe it would help if he didn't go by "Jo-Jo." Grown men shouldn't be named Jo-Jo.