Joel Embiid Almost Murders Statistician In Quest For Loose Ball

Joel Embiid hustled like hell to get a loose ball in the third quarter of tonight’s 76ers-Knicks game, and he endangered several lives in the process. While Tracy Morgan looked on, the Philly big man hurtled straight over Regina King as he tried to save his team’s possession. But when he cannonballed into the crowd, Embiid actually did knock down a man who looked like he was foolishly reaching out to catch the 250-pound center. The brave soul was identified on the broadcast as statistician Dave Fried, who thankfully appeared shaken but unharmed after the collision.

Save that shit for home games, Joel, where you won’t imperil any beloved celebrities.