John Oliver To The Brands: "Please Make Sepp Blatter Go Away"

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This week’s Last Week Tonight With John Oliver monologue is very funny. If you’ve been following the increasingly ridiculous FIFA scandal, you’ll delight in Oliver rolling out the greatest hits; if not, prepare to meet grotesques like the FIFA bigwig/government informer who rented an apartment in Trump Tower for his cats, the FIFA guy who held up an Onion article as proof of a U.S. conspiracy against him, and so on.

What’s most useful for our purposes, though, is Oliver’s offer to global brands like Adidas, Anheuser-Busch, and McDonald’s, whose executives are the only ones keeping Sepp Blatter in power. Shaming them for supporting slavery hasn’t worked so far—maybe free native advertising will? We fully support this deal, and for our part we will shoehorn paeans to the virtues of tasty Filet-O-Fish sandwiches, delicious Bud Light Cheladas, and convenient Visa financial-services products into everything we publish as soon as these companies give us reason to do so.