John Rocker Would Like To Knock You Up

Leitch|published: 02/24/2006, 3:30pm EST

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Maybe we're just too skeptical today, but this might be too good to be believed: It seems John Rocker has himself a Match.com profile. (His handle is "bullpenjohn," rather than, say, "crackerman1974.")

According to the profile, if it can be believed, Rocker has changed a lot since we saw him last.

I am ready for a committeed retlationship and I am looking for a woman who will be a good wife, full time mother and best friend. As much as I want an independent woman, I hope to find someone who will is willing to focus on motherhood and our lives together. To say I'm a lot more mature at 30 than I was at 24 or 25 is an understatement. I'm more grown up.

Independent women shouldn't be scared off by Rocker's hope that you'll "focus on the motherhood." As long as, as the profile requests, you're "White/Caucasian." Oh, and you make between $50,001 to $75,000 a year. And you like to beat up some queer with AIDS and can't help but wonder how all those foreigners, whom you're just not a very big fan of, got in the country.

Yep, ladies: You could shoot out this fella's spawn. Line forms in the back!

"bullpenjohn" [Match.com]

(UPDATE: Rocker's publicist Debi Curzio writes in: "As John Rocker's publicist, I can assure you he is not on match.com.")