John Salley Story Corner: "Strap It Up And No Kissing"

Every week, John Salley, onetime Bad Boy and currently the arachnoid half of the Spider and the Henchman podcast, will regale us with an amusing and occasionally salacious story from his playing days. Today: why you shouldn't lip-kiss NBA groupies.

As a rookie, you know, you meet women who are much older than you. I'm 22 years old and I'm in this situation where I meet this broad, who had to be, oh, 29 or so.

So she's at my crib and I'm thinking, "Wow, I pulled this broad all the way from the strip joint"— you know it's kinda hard to get 'em off the pole and down to talkin' with you.

And so I get her in my crib and the broad says to me, "Hey, let me use your bathroom." She goes in there with her handbag on, and she's in there for a little bit and after a while I'm like, "Damn, this chick is really, you know…damn, is she showering, is she shitting? What's she doing?"

Whatever she was doing it, it needed to be done. And I'm looking' in the bathroom. I said, "Damn, you all right in there?"

She was like, "Yeah, yeah. You know, I had to tidy it up and…(LOUD SNIFFING NOISE)"

So she comes out and she's on me, just like that. And I'm like, "Ohhh," trying to defend it. She's trying to kiss me and I'm thinking, "Damn, you know, I just met you, I'm not kissing you." But she overpowers me.

(LIPS SMACK) I was like, "Mmm (LIP SMACK), what's that?"

She goes, "(softer sniff) Oh, I just did a couple of bumps and, oh, uh, is it coming out?"

And now I'm paranoid because I licked the lips of this stripper. I was so nervous for days. I asked my brother, "Do I drink vinegar? How do I get this out of my system?"

So I tell people, when they talk about kissing: There's none of that in that situation. So watch yourself as a rookie, when you're just out there having sex with these women. Strap it up, but no kissing.

The above is adapted from the "Spider Stories" segment on the Spider and the Henchman podcast.

Photo by BJ Hammerstein