K-Fed Will Totally Kick Your Ass, Bitches

When our chimp-like ancestors first descended from the trees and began walking upright about 6 million years ago, little did they know that it would lead to this. You should have warned us, Charles Darwin. Damn you to hell!

Kevin Federline "beat" WWE champ John Cena on "Monday Night Raw," after Cena was supposedly knocked out by another wrestler. K-Fed pinned Cena's motionless body and was named the winner of their match. Federline didn't get the title, because the bout was a non-title exhibition fight.

We have no idea what it's like to be twirled for money by the guy from The Marine, we just hope things never come to that for us. But we're more concerned for the people who attended the event on New Year's Day at the United Airlines Center. You missed watching the Fiesta Bowl to see K-Fed fake wrestle? This seems odd and unwise, even for Florida. — RC

K-Fed Triumphs In Pro Wrestling Debut [icFlorida.com] The Champ Is Ready [World Wrestling Entertainment]