Kyle Orton, A Cop With ATTITUDE

Our affection for Bears quarterback Kyle Orton is well-documented, so we couldn't help but point out this photo, taken last Monday at Crobar in Chicago. (Linebacker Brian Urlacher was there as well, but he doesn't photograph as well, and besides, we don't want to taunt Michael Flatley any more than we already do on a daily basis.)

But jeez, jeepers, wowza. We're not sure what to tell Mr. Orton — who claims he someday would like to have a political career — after seeing this picture. Should he be on a '70s cop show? Pop up in a Beastie Boys video?

Here's all we know: Seconds after this photo was taken, that poor woman devoured by the beard, like the Sarlaac Pit. A sad day.

Orton's Surprisingly Healthy Attitude [Deadspin]