Lance Armstrong Turned Off By Sheryl Crow's Incessant Babymaking Demands

Yes, we know: You've been incontinent with suspense about what rent asunder the sacred ugly-bumping bond between four-hundred-time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong and Sheryl Crow, the singer who had that song that time.

Finally—finally!—some closure in the form of a few relatively dickish pullquotes from Armstrong's upcoming biography:

"She wanted marriage, she wanted children; and not that I didn't want that, but I didn't want that at that time because I had just gotten out of a marriage, I'd just had kids [Luke, Grace and Bella]," Armstrong, 37, reveals. "Yet we're up against her biological clock - that pressure is what cracked it."

So there you have it: The ticking of that biological clock—oh, these lady-types and their selfish desires to have "families" n' shit!—lead an exasperated Armstrong to pedal away from the too-needy, baby-craving Crow as fast as his trusty Cannondale would carry him. It's hard to blame him, though, as his post-Crow dating life (Kate Hudson, whichever Olsen twin was on conjugal leave from rehab, etc etc) demonstrated a free spirit tearing through Hollywood like a priapic Matt Leinart let loose in an ASU sorority house. But now we're sure he's ready to settle down, and because we've just mentioned the phrase "biological clock" again, we're required to suggest that Armstrong fill Manny Ramirez up with beautiful babies before his gynecologist-prescribed hormones wear off. It's a perfect match, really: Manny's not a nagger, and they're gonna make some adorable, Hall-of-Fame-quality kids.

Lance Armstrong: Sheryl Crow's 'Biological Clock' Led to Our Split [Fox News]