Lefty’s wrong turn lands him in the long stuff

Phil Mickelson was served a delightful slice of shit sandwich Tuesday as he and one of his longtime sponsors KPMG parted ways. You’d have to assume it was over the golfer’s comments on his willingness to do deals with the Saudis for the betterment of golf, but you also can’t rule out Mickelson’s “colossal fuck wit” personality as the reason for the split.

Here’s what he told biographer Alan Shipnuck for a new book on the golfer entitled Phil: The Rip-Roaring (and Unauthorized!) Biography of Golf’s Most Colorful Superstar. 

“They’re scary motherfuckers to get involved with. We know they killed Khashoggi and have a horrible record on human rights. They execute people over there for being gay. Knowing all of this, why would I even consider it? Because this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to reshape how the PGA Tour operates. They’ve been able to get by with manipulative, coercive, strong-arm tactics because we, the players, had no recourse. As nice a guy as [PGA Tour commissioner Jay Monahan] comes across as, unless you have leverage, he won’t do what’s right. And the Saudi money has finally given us that leverage. I’m not sure I even want [the SGL] to succeed, but just the idea of it is allowing us to get things done with the [PGA] Tour.”

Life comes at you quick when you try to use reshaping the PGA as justification for doing business with people who you know “killed (Washington Post columnist Jamal) Khashoggi and have a horrible record on human rights.” He has since tweeted an apology, but I will only accept it when it’s accompanied by a grovel.

“My actions throughout this process have always been with the best interest of golf, my peers, sponsors, and fans,” Mickelson said in his Tuesday statement. “I used words I sincerely regret that do not reflect my true feelings or intentions. It was reckless, I offended people, and I am deeply sorry for my choice of words.”

It might be time for Phil Mickelson, business savant, to shut up and golf as he also benefited from insider trading but avoided being charged in 2014 because he allegedly didn’t knowingly accept insider trading tips. He narrowly escaped that debacle like a golf ball in his stupid dress shirt ad, but the Callaway with “Saudis” written in black sharpie on it seems to have connected squarely with his smug face.