Locker Page 429 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Democratic Process Gives Every Idiot A Voice
The true spirit of our Founding Fathers was celebrated this week in Bayonne, New Jersey, where the local quacks, racists, and morons were allowed to voice their stupid views at a zoning hearing. ...
Are You Sure Russell Westbrook Should Be MVP? Consider These Stats
An NBA season is not a triple-double-getting contest. Yesterday, Albert Burneko argued that the discussion about who deserves the NBA Most Valuable Player award has lately gone off track—that Russell Westbrook, averaging a triple-double for the Oklahoma City Thunder, has been so thoroughly and overw...
Phoenix Suns' Gorilla Mascot Dives Onto The Court, Recovers Item, Scampers Off
At first glance, it looked like the Phoenix Suns’ gorilla mascot had gone rogue when he slid headfirst into the paint during the fourth quarter of the Suns game against the Washington Wizards....
Russell Westbrook, Oh My God
Russell Westbrook’s season-long mania reached a furious, wailing-electric-guitar pitch in Tuesday night’s game against the Portland Trail Blazers. He scored a career-high 58 points, but it wasn’t enough to get Oklahoma City Thunder the win, an apt metaphor for their season....
Dirk Nowitzki Forever
Mavericks legend Dirk Nowitzki came into tonight’s game against the Lakers just 20 points short of 30,000 career points. Only five other players have ever scored 30,000 (Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Karl Malone, Kobe Bryant, Michael Jordan, and Wilt Chamberlain), and Dirk went and joined them as soon as he ...
Deadspin Up All Night: The Day Starts Over
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. The night crew will be in shortly....
Russell Westbrook Is The Goddamn MVP, Clowns!
San Antonio’s Kawhi Leonard had a fabulous game last night against the Houston Rockets. He scored 39 points—17 in the fourth quarter alone—on only 18 shots. He nailed the game-deciding three-pointer with 25 seconds left, then sprinted half the length of the floor to deliver the even more game-decidi...
How<i> Rear Window </i>Made Us All Voyeurs And Detectives
This review originally appeared in the Oct. 11, 1983 issue of The Boston Phoenix. It appears here with the author’s permission....
Sports Sounds, Ranked
I was tired and sore the other day so I took a bath for the first time in, like, 20 years. It was a bad idea. There’s no way for a man my age to sit down in a bathtub without pulling eight different muscle groups. Once I finally lowered myself down, I didn’t fit in it at all. I had to do a kind of b...
You Wanted Just A Little Bit Of Xenophobia, But Got Too Much
Every birthday I get an overseas call from my grandma, always early in the morning due to time zones. This was the first year that call was tinged with concern that I would be attacked by a fellow citizen. She lived in America for decades, but suddenly, in 2017, she’s concerned about her grandson’s...
Is Your Chicken Processed By Free Range Humans?
Yesterday, the Senate voted to repeal regulations that required federal contractors to accurately disclose all of their workplace safety violations. Because who would want that? ...
The Time Reggie Jackson Got His Ass Whooped In The Clubhouse By A Teammate<em></em>
The following is excerpted from Dynastic, Bombastic, Fantastic: Reggie, Rollie, Catfish, and Charlie Finley’s Swingin’ A’s, by Jason Turbow. The book is available now on Amazon. Jason will be joining us later today to take your questions, and chat about the book....
What's Eating Isaiah Thomas?
The Celtics lost 116-102 to the Clippers last night, and after the game Celtics star point guard Isaiah Thomas was spotted doing that thing no team ever wants to see their star player doing: refusing to take off his uniform and staring into space....
Fuck Off, GRRM!
Hey man, we don’t want this weak shit! Give us The Winds Of Winter! Let’s see some pages!...
DeMarcus Cousins To Rude Heckler: "Suck A Dick, Bitch"
DeMarcus Cousins’s tenure with the Pelicans hasn’t started off so well, as the birds have struggled against a tough schedule despite solid play from Boogie. Last night, they beat the Lakers in L.A., and a pair of hecklers parked their asses courtside, laid into Boogie, and got video of themselves do...
Get A Load Of This Incredible Game-Winning Sequence From Kawhi Leonard
The Rockets went to San Antonio tonight to play the Spurs and give us all a preview of what the Western Conference semifinals will be like. For most of the game, Houston was in control. James Harden scored 18 points in the first quarter and the Rockets led by double digits from early in the first qu...
Bring On The Ben Simmons Point Guard Experiment<em></em>
The Philadelphia 76ers are wrapping up another losing season, one in which prized rookie Joel Embiid played just 31 games and number one overall draft pick Ben Simmons never even hit the floor. All that’s left to determine is whether Embiid will win rookie of the year on the back of just 40 percent ...
Andrew Bogut Makes Cavs Debut, Immediately Breaks His Tibia
Have you heard the news? The news is that Andrew Bogut signed with the Cavs. ...
Kyrie Irving Created Another Beautiful Layup Masterpiece<em></em>
Kyrie Irving somehow managed to shake Rodney McGruder, skip his way to the hoop, and deliver a gem of a reverse layup during tonight’s game against the Heat....
Blazers-Timberwolves Game Canceled Due To Sweaty Hardwood
A few hours before the Timberwolves and Blazers were supposed to tip off in Minnesota, ominous reports about sweaty ice in the stadium started sprouting up. Damian Lillard and the rest of the Blazers cut their warm-ups short due to the wet floor, and Lillard later gave an interview where he called f...