Locker Page 465 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Kentucky Downs North Carolina Thanks To Miracle Freshman Malik Monk
Malik Monk’s three-pointer with 17 seconds remaining gave Kentucky the lead for good in the Wildcats’ lightning-fire matchup against North Carolina, as the freshman phenom finished with 47 points in leading his team to a 103-100 win over the Tar Heels....
D-II Snow Action!
Today’s Division II national championship game is being played in a snowstorm, which has stifled both the Northwest Missouri State and North Alabama offenses—but QB-turned-WR Randy Schmidt dug down deep to pull out this one-handed highlight reel....
N.C. Central Loses Celebration Bowl Thanks To Excessive Celebration Penalty
Grambling State won today’s Celebration Bowl 10-9 after a would-be tying touchdown had the extra point fouled up by an excessive celebration penalty....
Nerlens Noel On 76ers' Center Situation: "Need To Figure That Shit Out"
Three months ago, Nerlens Noel said that he had no idea how the Philadelphia 76ers were going to handle having three true centers on the roster. Now, he knows how they’re handling it—by playing him a whole lot less. And he’s pissed, as he told reporters after last night’s loss to the Los Angeles Lak...
Holy Shit, We Gotta Talk About The End Of <i>Rogue One<em></em></i>
Please note that this post contains ALL OF THE SPOILERS. In fact, I’m so conscientious of spoiling Rogue One that I’m gonna put a shitload of Greek copy between here and the actual beginning of the post....
Maybe Don't Stand There
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Harlem's One-Antlered Deer Dies Of Pointless, Endless Political Feud
Today, a white-tailed, one-antlered deer that delighted crowds of Harlem residents for weeks died of stress and fear because the governor of New York is in a perpetual juvenile pissing match with the mayor of New York City....
Here Are The Emails Sent By A Scammer Pretending To Be Dikembe Mutombo<em></em>
If you’ve ever fantasized about would it would be like to be swindled by someone posing as Basketball Hall of Famer Dikembe Mutombo, you’re in luck....
Dildos Become Projectiles As Sex-Store Employees Foil Would-Be Robbery
When you get into a physically threatening situation, it pays to be resourceful and use whatever tools you have available to you. If you work at a sex toy store, those tools are dildos....
A Definitive Ranking Of The 25 Best Holiday Songs Ever Recorded
Two years ago, we scientifically ranked every Christmas song. That remains a helpful reference, but it’s not a ranking of holiday song recordings. Here, then, is a ranking of the top 25 seasonal songs ever recorded, and it is not debatable because it is 100% accurate. (A Spotify playlist featuring m...
The Government Is Out Of The Equality Business
After the financial crisis and the Occupy era, “inequality” became a mainstream political issue. And the Obama administration made some quantifiable progress. Now? Prepare for the reverse. ...
<i>Rogue One</i> Is A Refreshing Dive Into The Muck Of The <i>Star Wars</i> Universe
A good proxy test for the tone of a Star Wars movie is the demeanor of the featured droids. R2-D2 and C-3PO carry out a cheerful buddy comedy in a movie that is about friendship and hope triumphing over evil. BB-8 is a version of R2-D2 that’s been multiplied by itself several times over until it’s n...
Tonight On ESPN Classic
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May This Philadelphia Opossum Bring You Holiday Cheer
This is Gary. Say hi to Gary. Merry Christmas Gary, you trashcat (his words, not mine, although I’d use the same words)....
Nothing About This Went Well For Jon Ryan
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Steve Kerr Leads Warriors Fans In "Moment Of Joy" Sager Tribute
Golden State coach Steve Kerr spoke to fans in attendance for tonight’s Knicks-Warriors game to recognize Craig Sager, who died earlier today—but instead of a moment of silence, Kerr found it more appropriate to lead the crowd in a standing ovation as a “moment of joy.” ...
This Nikola Jokic Pass Is One Spicy Meatball
Nikola Jokic is not a man known for spectacular passes. The Nuggets center averages four assists per 36 minutes over his career, which is fine for a big man, but still, this here dish was wholly unexpected....
Daddy Trump Let Lil' Donnie Pick The Interior Secretary Most Likely To Let Him Kill Things<em></em>
Donald Trump Jr., an avid hunter and even more avid hunting message board user, will officially be taking over the family business come inauguration day. This means that there’s absolutely no world in which Don Jr. should be meddling in his father’s pending presidency whatsoever. Except, apparently,...
Gregg Popovich Talked About Craig Sager Instead Of Basketball Tonight
Spurs coach Gregg Popovich is a famous curmudgeon who expresses his open disgust with the NBA’s stipulation that coaches give sideline interviews during nationally televised games. Nobody drew his ire more than Craig Sager, and the pair’s welcome-back hug was one of the most touching moments during ...