Locker Page 556 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Who Sends Dick Pics? (Lunatics, Apparently)
As an Old Person (and possibly a prude, although I hope not), I’m baffled by the dick pic. As a behavior, first of all—What is it intended to accomplish? Is it meant as an act of sexual hostility? A sincere come-on? Do straight men genuinely believe women are turned on by crappy smartphone snapshots...
Birds, Ranked
Drew ranked the lamest birds over at GQ.com today, and we’re all fairly pissed at him for turning our work chatroom into a warzone filled with bird takes for a piece he didn’t even publish on this site. (Shout out to Burneko for his all-time terrible opinion, “seagulls are good.”)...
Bernie Should Get The Fuck Out
You won’t believe this, but Bernie Sanders won the state of Oregon last night. (Real fucking shocker there, I know.) Anyway, Bernie has no realistic mathematical shot at securing the delegates needed to win the Democratic nomination, AND some his supporters are now openly threatening people, because...
Internet Man Flays Post-Human ESPN Shithead Darren Rovell By Tunelessly Singing His Dumb Tweets (UPDATE: There's More)
Post-human business doof Darren Rovell did some tweets tonight, like he does whenever a dollar farts. They were bad and bland in their undressed form, but Twitter user @trillballins spiced them up with dramatic vocals and now I love them. Consider this asinine joke our dude probably drafted a week a...
LeBron James Murders Rim
This evening, an innocent (maybe) basketball ring in Cleveland, Ohio was murdered by LeBron James, after he turned DeMarre Carroll into a garden statue and churned into the lane alone....
Sixers Win NBA Draft Lottery They Claim Was Not Rigged And The Ghost Of The Process Lives
Despite all assurances that the Sixers did not know that they would win this evening’s draft lottery, the ping pong balls bounced in their favor, and they’ll get the first crack at next month’s NBA draft. Was it rigged? Who knows. All we can say now is that there is some convincing evidence that Dik...
Sixers Claim That Dikembe Mutombo Didn't Reveal A Grand NBA Draft Conspiracy (UPDATE)
The NBA draft lottery is at 8 p.m. EDT tonight in New York City. At 4:36 p.m., Dikembe Mutombo tweeted his congratulations to his former team, the Philadelphia 76ers, for winning the lottery and “grabbing the #1 spot.” Mutombo apologized and clarified that he had tweeted too soon and was just gettin...
Deadspin Up All Night: He Likes To Sing Along
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. But he knows not what it means. ...
Dikembe Mutombo Deletes Tweet Congratulating 76ers On Winning NBA Draft Lottery
The NBA draft lottery is tonight at 8 p.m., but Dikembe Mutombo’s Twitter account couldn’t wait until then to congratulate the Philadelphia 76ers for winning the first overall pick. The tweet, which had a photo of Mutombo and Allen Iverson, was quickly deleted....
Don't Declaw Your Cat
If you get a cat—and, you should, cats are fine—you should be prepared for them to scratch on everything in your home (except, confoundingly, the scratching post). You can and should combat this by keeping their claws clipped to a safe and sanitary length, just as you do your own nails, or by purcha...
Mayor Of Probably Calgary Mad Over Raptors Poll Snub
The Raptors and their fans have played the “nobody believes in us” card faster and harder than just about anyone, quite possibly because nobody believes in them. But things have reached a fever pitch in Wherever The Raptors Are From, thanks to the limitations of an online poll....
Barbecue This Big Fruit
Not too long ago, we collectively struggled to come up with a convincing non-meat filling for sandwich, but today the answer seems obvious: jackfruit....
Who Is Going To Kill Ramsay Bolton?
There are only two questions that I’m interested in seeing answered during this season of Game of Thrones: Is Ramsay Bolton going to get fucked all the way up? If he is, who is going to do it?...
What Medical Info Should You Have On You At All Times?
Maybe you returned from your honeymoon to a pile of wedding gifts and decided to use as many new kitchen appliances as possible in one meal. Maybe that’s how you ended up in the urgent care with a small but non-negligible chunk missing from your thumb. It is wider than it is deep, so stitches are pr...
Samantha Bee Suplexes Trolls Who Harassed Seattle Councilwomen For Rejecting New NBA Arena
The Seattle City Council voted 5-4 against selling a block of the city that would have made it possible for hedge fund manager Chris Hansen to move forward with plans for a new NBA arena. The majority that voted against the deal were all women. They got hate mail....
Refs Missed Russell Westbrook's Travel At The End Of Game 1
Did Russell Westbrook travel in the waning seconds of last night’s Thunder Game 1 win? Yeah, totally. Does that ever get called, let alone late in a playoff game? Ehhh....
The Thunder Aren’t Scared Of The Warriors
As Steph Curry hit a buzzer-beater to end the first half and cap off a run by Golden State’s fabled smallball lineup of death, it felt like the Warriors were bound to keep burning the Thunder and run away with Game 1, much like the Spurs did to them to open that series. When Curry hit two improbable...
The Cubs Are Good At Karaoke Too
The Cubs are good at baseball. Real damn good. They lost a narrow one to the Pirates yesterday but they’re still 27-9. The team has an off day today, so naturally, they went and did some karaoke last night. ChiCitySports.com was on the scene as Dexter Fowler, John Lackey, Anthony Rizzo, Jon Lester, ...
Deadspin Up All Night: And I Read Those Pages
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Sometimes trying new things is good....