The Mourning After Page 49 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
2021 will start with Notre Dame being turned into plasma as we return to normalcy
We all look very forward to 2020 being over. 2021 won’t be unique, in that it will start with Notre Dame having their asshole pulled through their nose once again on a national stage. Other years have had that jumpstart. But it’s hard to argue that it won’t be a nice fillip for everyone after the da...
Bills looking kinda like team that won consecutive AFC titles 25 years ago
The Bills clinched their first AFC East title since 1995, moving to 11-3 on the season with a 48-19 rout of the Broncos....
NHL inching closer to a 2021 season and COVID mess of its very own
It’s not officially official just yet, but Elliotte Friedman of Sportsnet reported that the NHL and NHLPA have a tentative deal for a 56-game regular-season schedule with a Jan. 13 start. So, one way or another, the 2021 hockey season is a go....
NHL runs up against the problem of a country armed with logic
We’re now less than a week away from the start of the NBA season, and yet their roommates/moochers in the NHL still can’t seem to find their way through the door, or even the door itself. It was only a couple days ago that Jan. 13 was looking like more than a theory of a starting date. Now it’s a pr...
Texans gather at Deshaun Watson restaurant opening, because of course they do
It’s likely that it won’t become that much of a story, due to the fact that the Houston Texans suck, or that the NFL will almost certainly want it to go away, and that not much will come of it because of that. But the fact that multiple Texans attended a restaurant opening in Houston because Deshaun...
James Harden might not need cheesesteaks
I don’t want to be hard on James Harden. We all ... look different after this year. Cooped up in our house, downing comfort foods more often than we have in the five years previous combined. For me, it’s peanut butter M&Ms. You have yours. Something you run to when it all gets too much, which it doe...
Thank you, Lamar Jackson, for unleashing an unholy force of the worst jokes
Let’s get this done at the top. This is how you greet a player returning from the locker room after “cramps”:...
Watching Ben Roethlisberger eat it will always be life-affirming
Whatever you or I may think or know, the Steelers will retire Ben Roethlisberger’s No. 7 one day, and maybe even one day soon. We can’t win. He’ll be revered by perhaps the most slovenly and up-its-own-ass fanbase in American sports, he’ll probably get a TV gig if he wants one (the fact that he can’...
Wildcats lose by 63, Gators squander tight game by throwing shoe
Putting up the first winless season in school history, even in a pandemic year, and capping it with a 70-7 loss to your top rival is a surefire way to lose your job as a college football coach, and that’s exactly what happened to Kevin Sumlin, who got fired by Arizona on Saturday, following the Wild...
If we must have sports right now, weird is definitely the way to go
This college football season is an exercise in madness, but it’s continuing to be weirdly historic....
I can’t wait for Josh McDaniels to coach the Patriots
Most of the season, the focus has been on Bill Belichick and Tom Brady recovering from their breakup in different places. Brady moved away, tried to start his whole life over (while still keeping his 6-foot-5 tight-end Teddy Bear for security), make a clean break, that whole thing. Bill is still try...
Chicago gives Cubs pandemic tax reprieve — residents get tax hike, thumb in eye
There’s seemingly a parade of stories about how the only people not getting utterly fucked during this pandemic are the ones who never get utterly fucked. If you feel like you see something like Tom Brady’s boat purchased with money meant for small businesses, it’s because you do. And if there’s a g...
Even college basketball’s biggest cheerleader on ESPN thinks this is stupid
It’s rare you get any spikiness from ESPN, or evidence of a spine, and especially when it comes to college basketball. For the most part, every analyst for college hoops on the World Wide Leader is there to be a cheerleader and get a good taste of various coaches’ asses. It’s why every coach is addr...
You’ll say you were there when the NHLPA finally owned the owners
Every so often, a blind squirrel finds a nut. And there’s been no blinder squirrel than the NHL players’ union over the years. This is a side that got locked out for an entire season and still got a salary cap with no exceptions enforced on it. Eight years later it got locked out again and got an ev...
The world’s largest-ever douchebag fight? MLB vs. Insurance companies
If there ever was a lawsuit where you wish both sides could lose and then be sucked into a portal shuttling them to a dimension of goo and detritus, it would be Major League Baseball’s lawsuit against the biggest insurance companies in the land....
Canucks ice anti-mask anthem singer; Wisconsin falls to Marquette in literal last second
Rich people really can dictate media coverage....
NHL still silent as greedy owners proving they can never have enough
As is always the case, every so often you look up and wonder, “Hey, how come I haven’t heard from the NHL in a while?” And the answer always comes back, “Oh right, because they’re galactically stupid.” And then you go on about your life. It’s good to have solid things to hold onto at this point in t...
Baseball’s winter of discontent begins
As baseball’s non-tender deadline passed last night, it didn’t end up being the bloodbath that some had predicted, and indeed was expected. Fifty-nine players who could have been offered a contract weren’t, which is a slight rise from the 54 who found themselves in the same situation last year, when...
The USWNT is halfway there, but pay equity is the tricky bit
The U.S. Women’s national soccer team’s fight for equality got a boost yesterday when they and U.S. Soccer came to a settlement on all the issues that weren’t thrown out by the court back in the spring. ...
NFL playing schedule Sudoku
As the NFL continues its choose-your-own-adventure method of trying to finish this season when scheduled as scheduled, in order to win some sort of imaginary trophy only it can picture, it’s playing hopscotch with the schedule. Barely 24 hours before the Ravens were scheduled to take on the Steelers...