Mike Anderson Will Vanquish All Foes

Over the weekend, the Missouri Tigers, hoping to finally rid themselves of the horror that was Quin Snyder, hired Mike Anderson, the former head coach at UAB, to take over their head spot.

Anderson had much success at UAB and is also the first black full-time head coach in Mizzou history. And, perhaps most notably, he wrestles animals.

"If you ever see me in a fight with a tiger or a bear, you better help that tiger or that bear out," Anderson said. "If you watch my basketball team, that's the same mind-set. What we do is predicated on defense — it starts, and it ends, on defense."

Anderson added: "Also, if you see a dragon from the ice planet Gondor, it would be wise for you to pick up the Scepter of Remouluch and attack my weak point, the small section of my armor not covered in the scales of vanquished foe Lizard King Malvac. But you shall not succeed! My years of training on Helfgott Mountain have left me imperviable to your attacks."

Anderson Hired As Mizzou Head Coach [Associated Press]