Mike Ditka, Socratic Orator

Yesterday, a group of retired athletes, along with NFL commissioner Roger Goodell and NFLPA wingnut Gene Upshaw, testified before Congress about the lack of sufficient benefits for former NFL players. This is a noble cause — a lot of these guys can barely walk — but one that we suspect is not helped by having Mike Ditka as its main spokesperson.

Don't get us wrong: Ditka is the most famous guy on the retired players' side, and Congress does like to have celebrities hanging around. But this is also a guy who hasn't always shown the most acute mental abilities — which, to be fair, could come from being pummeled across the head so often — and is most famous these days for doing boner ads. He's not the type of guy who's gonna be able to dig the deepest down in the story.

That said: With John Kerry on the panel, he's lucky he wasn't tasered.

"It seems to be that the league itself has dropped the ball here, no pun intended," said Senator John Kerry, Democrat of Massachusetts.

So to speak. Such a card, that Kerry.

Mike Ditka Is The Most Out Of Place Person On Capitol Hill Since Sammy Sosa [The Angry T]