MLB Closer: The Girl with the Strong Arm

Neal Cotts loves The Dead Milkmen. Or so we assume. After all, he's a rural boy from a small town born between 27 years and 36 years ago. Also, he gave up a grand slam to Willie F. Harris in the fifth inning at Wrigley Field yesterday afternoon, tossing Jason Marquis under the El and leaving the Washington Nationals the proud owners of a 13-5 victory. Therefore, we assume he's a big fan of this song. • Your Big Tilde Update - 0-4, DP, 17.2 VORL (Value Over Replacement Locks). Detroit wins 4-3 over Kansas City on the strength of its music, transportation, and number of Henry Ford Museums within driving distance. • It's Not the Heat; It's the Inability to Hit the Lively Fastball - Randy Johnson struck out 13 Marlins and three seagulls, but it could never hold up to Anibal Sanchez's seven strikeouts and the magical bat of Cody Ross, who hit a go-ahead homer in the eighth to put the Diamondbacks away 5-4 in beautiful downtown Phoenix. Chase Field had its roof closed as usual for Big Unit starts to keep the smell of sun-heated formaldehyde from distracting D-Backs fielders. • Greg, Chicks Dig the Long Ball Only If You Hit Them - Hall-of-Famer-to-Be Greg Maddux craftily gave up seven runs in less than six innings' work last night in his Dodgy debut in Chavez Ravine in an 8-1 defeat to Le Phillies Philly. His study of game film, careful observations, and ability to work the umpires allowed him to give up home runs to Ryan Howard and Chris Coste.