More "Colbert Report" Than "After M*A*S*H*"

It is with much glee that we point out that the mad scientists at Yard Work — the brilliant satirical site featuring mock columns from ESPN luminaries, along with Rickey Henderson, Ozzie Guillen and countless others — have launched their first spinoff site: the affectionately named Hard Wood, which promises to bring to the NBA what Yard Work did to baseball. What is that, exactly? We're not sure, but we're somewhat certain it involves mayonnaise and at least one spatula.

Hard Wood busts out of the gates with an amusing parody of Our Boy Bill Simmons' yearly NBA preview columns based off movie quotes, hilariously choosing Big Trouble In Little China as the liftoff point. The piece is somewhat hit-or-miss (for Yard Work, anyway), but we're still giggling over this little bon mot of madness, riffing on Simmons' love for LeBron James: "LeBron James LeBron James LeBron James. I have been up for 73 hours. I don t even know what I m typing anymore. I am starting to hallucinate. I am a rock, I am an island. Then again, so is LeBron James LeBron James."

Worth an immediate and permanent bookmark.

Hard Wood Yard Work