NFL Week Five: Something Crazy Better Happen

Bills @ Bears.This week's biggest storyline revolves around a guy who had some success with his former employer, and now, with his new team, is going to meet his former team for the first time... the hype surrounding Dick Jauron has been crazy this week.

Cowboys @ Eagles. You know what I hope? I hope that isn't one of those things that gets hyped to death... and then nothing interesting happens. That would be the worst case scenario. For example, if Owens goes out and has 5 catches for 62 yards, and is also not the victim of any random violent attacks. If something doesn't happen, I'll be bitterly disappointed. I want either three Owens touchdowns, including at least one celebration dance that mocks Rocky, or Ben Franklin, or Donovan McNabb. Or, I want some bizarre fan attack, like five streakers getting onto the field, surrounding Owens, taking him down, and then dry humping him until security gets there. I've just got a nagging feeling that this is destined to be disappointing.

Titans @ Colts. There's an 18 point spread in this thing. 18 . For an NFL point spread, that is gargantuan. Obviously, Peyton Manning and Pac Man Jones have a lot in common, but they're going to have to put their friendship aside and do battle this afternoon.

Redskins @ Giants. Grandma just called and said you're supposed to go home, LaVar. She said she doesn't want you here when she gets back because you've been ruining everybody's lives and eating all our steak. Get off my property, or I'll call the cops, GOSH.

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