NFL Week Four, Update #3

• The Raiders are confusing me. Maybe it's just because they're playing the Browns, but they're rolling. They got a touchdown from some damn linebacker who ran for a touchdown after Rueben Droughns politely handed him the football. And Lamont Jordan, who I actually thought passed away in the offseason, just took a 63-yarder to the house, and the Raiders lead 21-3.

• The Patriots are being very Patriot-y, showing up and beating some ass just when everyone had them left for dead. They lead the Bengals 14-6, on touchdowns from Laurence Maroney and the quickly-emerging Doug Gabriel. The worse news for the Bengals is that Chad Johnson just went to the locker room. It doesn't look serious, but you never know when—HUE!

• Jon Kitna is 15-of-19 for 159 yards and two touchdowns, and Mike Furrey has 6 catches for 46 yards and a touchdown. Matt Millen's new strategy of building the franchise around white people is finally paying off. Roy Williams also has six catches for 103 yards, so he might have to be traded. The vengeance of Mike Martz is proceeding according to plan at this point, as the Lions lead 17-13.

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