Phil Jackson Just Can't Quit You

Sure, Phil Jackson's post-game comments on Tuesday were controversial. But the cinematography was spectacular, and we say he deserves an Oscar. Wait, what? After losing to the Spurs on Tuesday, Jackson said "We call this a 'Brokeback Mountain' game because there's so much penetration and kickouts." Of course this caused much controversy and gnashing of teeth, and Jackson was forced — by the NBA — to retract. And he did so, in a fashion decidedly more humorous than the original comment.

"When you take it out of context, it wasn't funny," Jackson said. "It was a poor attempt at humor and I deserved to be reprimanded by the NBA. If I offended any horses, Texans, cowboys or gays, I apologize." Asked if he had left anyone out in his mea culpa, Jackson said, "Well, children."

This is what happens when coaches are forced to write their own comedy material. Damn writers' strike.

Elsewhere in controversial regret:

• Sorry I'm drawing more attention to the Dolphins' season. — Ricky Williams.

• Sorry that I'm eight different kinds of crazy. — OJ

• Sorry I hosted a kegger forthe entire girls basketball team and got everyone suspended. — Ardmore High assistant coach.

• Sorry we won't be carrying the NFL Network. Enjoy several showings of Cop and a Half . — Your cable company

• Sorry about my Cy Young vote. I'll also be voting for Ron Paul, by the way. — Mark Feinsand.