Portland Fans Are Too Hung Over To Cheer Properly

The surest sign that it was a good idea to give Portland an MLS franchise: their fans already have a collective drinking problem. The supporters group is turning teetotaler to keep from embarrassing itself again.

The Timbers had a game against DC United Sunday, and the cameras didn't exactly capture the Timbers Army at its most raucous. From the group's website,

One thing that I will remember is the tone of sections 101-108 & 201-208. While we were certainly louder than most other American supporters sections this weekend, I don't believe our A-game was on display. The volume was down a notch or two. The breaks between chants seemed a bit longer. When compared to our previous five appearances this season, yesterday's presence was above average, but not excellent.

I have a couple theories on why this happened. 1) An early Sunday afternoon game under cloudy skies (in late May) does not a festive atmosphere make. 2) DC United players of various interests (Davies, McCarty, Cronin) didn't make an appearance. But I believe this last one might be the overarching reason:

3) Too many hangovers.

Folks, I read the Twitters and Facebooks. I know what most of us were up to. In this world where everyone shares everything at every possible juncture, it's difficult to avoid the mundane updates. I'm just as guilty of this. So it's not hard for me to recognize the signs. We were slower. We were quieter. We had to exert more energy for a lesser performance.

So here's the plan: for the next early game, a nationally televised 1:00 Sunday tilt in July, the Timbers Army is beseeching every supporter to stay sober the day before. And while it's asking a lot from an Oregonian to avoid drinking for any 24 hours, let alone a summer Saturday, it should lead to louder, more focused cheering and chanting, and will make a better impression for the cameras.

It's not all Carrie Nation, though. The "Sober Saturday" lasts until 6 a.m. on Sunday, at which point you can drink as much as you want providing you're within walking distance of the stadium. So: hangovers bad, raging drunks good.

The Sober Saturday challenge [Timbers Army]