Rüdiger HUNGRY!

I bet, my fellow footyphiles, that we thought we were done with international tournaments including players nibbling on each other, what with Luis Suarez not involved in the European Championships and probably too old for the next World Cup. And Copa America has bigger problems, though I suppose we can’t rule it out. But dear friends, nothing ever dies in sports. Traditions are traditions for a reason, no matter how vile or stupid or silly. So in keeping with that particular flame, Antoine Rüdiger apparently found Paul Pogba’s deltoid just too delectable to resist.

So maybe it’s more of an attempted bite than an actual bite, and maybe even an attempted Purple Nurple thrown in for good measure. Still, “attempted bite” isn’t really a phrase that should have to be pulled out of the holster during a sporting event. There are very few arenas where it should be, admittedly.

The fun game here is to play “Six Degrees of Luis Suarez’s Mandibles.” You don’t even need six. Suarez bit Giorgio Chiellini in the 2014 World Cup. Chiellini played with Alvaro Morata at Juventus for the next two seasons. Then he joined Chelsea the same season Antoine Rüdiger did. So clearly, at some point, Morata bit Rüdiger. Maybe in training, maybe in the team hotel, whatever. The Suarez bloodline has spread from Brazil to Torino to London and now Munich.

Watch out, Manchester. Last thing anyone needs is Scott McTominay running around trying to plunge his teeth into whatever bit of available flesh is around. You ever see a Scottish vampire? EXACTLY.

Oh, and yes, Rüdiger should probably have been sent off through VAR and failing that should see a suspension from UEFA. Anyway, France lead Germany 1-0 at the moment.