Sclemeel! Schmeichel! Hasenfeffer Incorporated!

Taking a gander at some of Saturday's Premier League results... • Arsenal 1-0 Manchester City — Well, so much for starting off the year with four straight wins. Arsenal broke the scoreless tie with an 80th-minute goal, care of Cesc Fabregas. That's a tough loss for Man City. Their young keeper, Kasper Schmeichel, even blocked a penalty kick (as photographic evidence here dictates) and from what I hear, that's hard.

• Chelsea 1-0 Portsmouth — What we have here, people, is another 1-0 game which seemed to be dominated by the victor, as opposed to the Arsenal-Man City match, which was narrowly won by the same score. Zuh? Frank Lampard's first half goal put Portsmouth away early and now Chelsea sits atop the Premier League table with 10 points.

• Bolton 3-0 Reading — See, now this is the score one hopes to see when they hear a team dominated. Reading didn't even have as many shot attempts on goal as Reading had actual goals. The Baltimore Orioles are laughing at you guys.

• Sunderland 0-2 Liverpool — Liverpool manager Rafael Benitez had been publicly kvetching about how his side has been mistreated by not being granted the opportunity to sign Manchester United defender Gabriel Heinze. Maybe this impressive 2-0 win will shut him up. Maybe not.