Soccer Page 211 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Arsenal Are Not Fucking Around This Summer
When Arsenal lost in the Europa League final, it felt like the Gunners were well and truly fucked. That defeat, coupled with a third-consecutive Premier League finish outside the top four, consigned Arsenal to life outside the Champions League for the third year running, presumably a massive setback...
Here Are Some Potential Locations For FIFA's New Headquarters
According to a report from the New York Times, soccer federation and bribe repository FIFA is considering moving away from its longtime headquarters in Switzerland and setting up shop elsewhere. The Times speculates that potential host countries could potentially engage in an Amazon-style competitio...
Christian Pulisic Scores First Two Of What Are Sure To Be Hundreds Of Chelsea Goals
The start of Christian Pulisic’s first Premier League season is just 10 days away, though the former Wonderteen has only spent a few weeks with Chelsea after the USMNT lost the Gold Cup final. Has he had time to get up to speed and prepare for a grueling campaign? With the obvious caveat that presea...
Moroccan Soccer Player Tries To Quit In The Middle Of A Preseason Ass-Kicking
Turkish side Fenerbahce took on German giants Bayern Munich in a preseason friendly yesterday. Things did not go well for the Fenerbahce players, who were dominated throughout the game and lost 6-1. That performance earned them plenty of boos from the home fans, which were enough to drive team capta...
USWNT Coach Jill Ellis Steps Down After Five Years And Two World Cups
According to a report from the Equalizer, USWNT manager Jill Ellis will not return to coach the two-time defending World Cup champions for any more competitive games. Ellis’s contract expires on Wednesday, July 31, and though she and the U.S. Soccer Federation had a mutual option to extend it throug...
USMNT Rips U.S. Soccer's "False Accounting" And Odd Claims About Equal Pay
Last night, U.S. Soccer president Carlos Cordeiro dropped a letter and accompanying fact sheet supporting a claim that his federation invests more heavily in women’s soccer than men’s. Immediately afterwards, the USWNT called bullshit on Cordeiro’s selective numbers and creative accounting, and toda...
Brazilian Police Recommend Against Charging Neymar With Rape
Police in Brazil have closed their investigation into the rape allegation against Paris Saint-Germain star Neymar, and recommend that prosecutors not bring charges against him due to a lack of evidence. The prosecutor’s office will have 15 days to “evaluate the case,” according to the AFP....
U.S. Soccer Releases Dubious Numbers To Refute Claims Of Pay Inequality
U.S. Soccer president Carlos Cordeiro released a letter and accompanying fact sheet Monday evening intended to demonstrate that his federation invests more heavily in women’s soccer than it does in men’s. The purpose here is to refute the notion that men’s national team members are paid more than th...
Impish Messi Fan Delights In Beer-Soaked Chaos His Trolling Inspires
Soccer fans in the U.S. aren’t usually the most rambunctious sort. As one Lionel Messi stan found out during last Friday’s Real Madrid-Atlético Madrid friendly match in New Jersey, though, even American fans will resort to chucking beer and debris at you if properly provoked:...
Mesut Özil And Sead Kolašinac Attacked By Knife-Wielding Thieves While Driving In London
On Thursday afternoon, Arsenal players Mesut Özil and Sead Kolašinac were driving through London when a pair of assailants wielding knives attempted to rob them. Video of the event shows Kolašinac outside the car trying to fight off the would-be robbers, while Özil drives off:...
Idiot On The Pitch Is Nearly Trampled, Escapes Unscathed, Has Whiskers, Is A Cat
An idiot invaded the pitch in the 92nd minute of Wednesday night’s Leagues Cup Tournament match between Real Salt Lake and Liga MX side Tigres UANL, at a point when the game was very much still up for grabs. The absolute moron very nearly took the ball off the feet of Tigres player André-Pierre Gign...
Atlético Madrid's Beef With Barcelona Reaches New Levels Of Pettiness
Though it looked like the contentious Antoine Griezmann transfer saga was over once he officially signed with Barcelona, Atlético Madrid have refused to let it die. The latest news is that the Colchoneros have filed a complaint with La Liga in an attempt to block Griezmann’s registration with the Ca...
Marco Asensio's Knee Is The Latest Casualty Of Soccer's Money-Grubbing Friendlies
Marco Asensio’s 2019-20 season is over before it began, his torn ACL yet another pointless sacrifice to soccer’s financially motivated preseason schedule....
Hope Solo Petitions Court To Join USWNT's Equal Pay Mediation As The Designated Ass-Kicker
The USWNT will soon enter mediation with the U.S. Soccer Federation in an effort to resolve the team’s equal pay lawsuit. Former USWNT star Hope Solo is concerned about whether the current national team will have the kind of cussed hard-ass they’ll need on their side so that they don’t settle for an...
Cristiano Ronaldo Won't Face Rape Charges
Juventus forward Cristiano Ronaldo won’t face any criminal charges over an allegation that he raped a woman in a Las Vegas hotel in 2009, prosecutor Steve Wolfson said in a statement today, because Wolfson believes the charge can’t be proven beyond a reasonable doubt....
Josef Martínez's Hideous Penalty Kick Run-Up Ends In Humiliation
The reward for Josef Martínez’s frankly insane penalty kick routine is an unreadable technique that makes it easy to best keepers from the spot, as evidenced by the Atlanta United forward’s 14-for-16 penalty record in MLS. The risk is that it makes him look like a huge weirdo and sets him up for rid...
Gareth Bale's Unbearably Bleak Situation At Real Madrid Is Close To Its End
A prolonged transfer saga can either be endlessly entertaining or relentlessly dreary, depending on your point of view. The Gareth Bale transfer saga was somehow straddling the line between both extremes, but has taken a decidedly taken a gloomy turn this weekend....
Harry Kane Scores Magnificent Extra-Time Winner Against Juventus From Midfield
While it does carry some importance in terms of team fitness and strategic practice, gimmicky preseason tournaments are often seen as nuisances for both managers and players. Nobody on the pitch necessarily wants to play longer than they have to, but that appeared to be the direction that Juventus a...
Christen Press On Her Ill-Conceived Partnership With Barstool Sports: "I Wasn't Familiar With The Site"
After a week of ducking questions about the origins of her regrettable World Cup victory parade partnership with the racist and misogynist clown show that is Barstool Sports, Christen Press finally responded last night. It will surprise no one that Barstool’s version of events was misleading....
Zlatan Ibrahimovic Scores Hat Trick, Calls LAFC Coach A "Little Bitch"
Earlier this week, Zlatan Ibrahimovic did what Zlatan Ibrahimovic does best and decided to talk some shit. He questioned the validity of Carlos Vela’s career, declared that he was the best player in MLS “by far,” and said that on the pitch he’s “like a Ferrari among Fiats.” The timing of these comme...