Soccer Page 459 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Breaking: Athletes Also Like to Jack Off to Internet
ESPN reports on a dangerous new problem facing that country's footballers:...
Hirshey: The Return Of Rooney
David Hirshey writes regularly for Deadspin about soccer....
Today In The Premiership...
Bolton 0 - 4 Manchester United. Wee Wayne Rooney posted a hat trick earlier today, leading Manchester United to a 4-0 pounding of Bolton. The end of his eight-game goal-scoring drought prompted Rooney to burst into a rendition of Olivia Newton-John's Summer Nights. The win puts Manchester United bac...
Know How We Know You're Gay? You Watch 'Tweenies' (Just Kidding, Please Don't Punch Us)
The Mirror of London hits us today with 21 Things You Didn't Know About Roo; Roo of course being soccer star Wayne Rooney. Among the things you'd expect — likes to visit prostitutes, etc. — there are other things that would seem to indicate a softer side of Rooney; a sweet, nurturing side. Not that ...
Hirshey: Praising The Enemy, Begrudgingly
Though I would sooner have a wolverine or even Jermaine Defoe chew my arm off than be caught pimping for Manchester United, I do admit to having a soft spot for two players in the club's 114-year history....
Today In The Premiership...
Chelsea 2-1 Portsmouth. Chelsea is again back at the top of the standings, thanks in part to Andriy Shevchenko's first goal at Stamford Bridge. Michael Ballack also scored, making it a goal each for Chelsea's two big off-season whores. Portsmouth goalie David James was about the only thing keeping...
If Only He Had A Digital Pint
We've made fun of those video game motion capture things before, seeing as they're mostly photo ops for athletes like J.J. Redick (!!!) to pretend their movements are somehow scientific. Well, the creators of FIFA 07 have appropriately mocked this convention in a series of legitimately amusing ads. ...
For Those Few Seconds Of Needed Mirth
Just to clear that Buzzsaw taste out of our mouth — hey, it's Arizona at Oakland this week; that'll be fantastic — we've watched this video about five times this morning....
Hirshey: Don't Blame It On The Meds
Let's not beat around the bush: ARSENAL WILL WIN THE PREMIERSHIP. That is not a statement I imagined I would be making as recently as a month ago, and one that has absolutely nothing to do with the fistful of painkillers I'm required to take every day since tearing the miniscus in my left knee att...
Today In The Premiership...
• Aston Villa 1-1 Tottenham. The day could've been so much worse for Juan Pablo Angel. Instead of missing the net on a penalty kick, three minutes later heading one into his goal, losing the game, and ending up in the trunk of a hooligan's car with his head wrapped in duct tape and his shoes on fi...
Thank Heavens He Doesn't Play For Colombia
So yesterday was a key Euro 2008 soccer qualifier between Croatia and England, everyone all fired up, everything second counting ... and then goalie Paul Robinson made the mistake of his life....
The Best Joke Book Since Henny Youngman's
In what was probably inevitable, Marco Materazzi is writing a book about the experience of Zidane's head in his chest, and it's full of "joke" comments that might have set Zidane off....
They Really Should Redraw Those Seating Charts
On the list of grand understatements, we'd like include this quote from a UK Sun story about how Croatia soccer fans are putting their team in danger of being kicked out of Euro 2008....
"This Way To Baggage Claim — Ow, Jesus!"
Another reason soccer fans rule: They have taken the time-honored tradition of fans meeting their team at the airport after a road game, and used it as an excuse to beat the crap out of them. Imagine if the Yankees would have landed at LaGuardia on Sunday morning, and people were throwing beer at th...
Today In Euro 2008 Qualifiers...
The Premiership is taking the day off in favor of some hot qualifying action for Euro 2008. But don't worry, many of your favorite British football stars still found a way to embarrass themselves....
Stop The World, We Want To Get Off
If there were any real cosmic justice out there, stories such as this would not be allowed to happen; a wise, all-knowing God, concerned only with the greater good, would hurl a giant meteor right directly into our equator first. But ours is a stark, lonely universe, devoid of reason, and we are p...
Joey Barton's Action-Packed Minute Of Fun
We took a little longer than probably was appropriate to post this, but, once Soccernista explained it for us, there was no way to avoid talking about Man City's Joey Parton and his one minute of karma bungee jumping....
Hirshey: We Like Our Ukrainians FLAMING!
David Hirshey, now able to eat during daylight hours again, writes regularly about soccer for Deadspin....
In Hell, Mascots Look Like This
Hey, Euro 2008 officials have ripped off Woody Woodpecker! And made him gay! As The Mighty MJD mentioned over the weekend, Austria and Switzerland, co-hosts of Euro 2008, rolled out their new mascots on Sunday. The two countries had their finest cartoonists labor for more than two years to come up...
Today In The Premiership...
• Everton 1-1 Manchester City. Rough day for Everton fans. First, they saw City defender Micah Richards steal a win from them with a goal in the 4th minute of injury time. Then Richards gave a profane television interview. Then City midfielder Joey Barton showed Everton fans his ass. The police ar...