Sports Fans Are All A Bunch Of Drunks

A new study shows that eight percent of sports fans are legally drunk when they leave the game. This comes as a great disappointment to public safety officials, as well as beer distributors. Just eight percent?

The study was conducted by the University Of Minnesota, who stopped a sampling of fans after football and baseball games and got them to take a breathalyzer test. Sixty percent of fans had no alcohol in their system, so we're presuming at least some of the tests were conducted after BYU games. Forty percent had drank, and eight percent were over the .08 BAC legal limit.

For a typical 180 lb. male. or typical 180 lb. Minnesota female, it takes about three 16-oz. beers to get your BAC that high. (Probably less for imports, but I'm not paying another two bucks when I'm already being gouged.) Let's put that in context. Three beers is more than the average patron consumes at movie theaters, grade school plays and operas. It's less than the average patron consumes at bars, frat parties and Motörhead concerts.

Implicit in this study is the notion alcohol is bad (it was funded by a group dedicated to fighting substance abuse). It isn't. People who drink alcohol and do bad things are bad. It's entirely acceptable to go to the stadium and drink the game away, as long as you're not an asshole. Don't start fights. Don't drive drunk. Stay thirsty.