Dylan Stableford is the editor of media blog FishbowlNY and will write occasionally on the U.S. Open.
While Week 1 — and, likely, the tournament as a whole — will be remembered for Andre Agassi's career-ending run and subsequent bawling, there were actually some other tennis matches played at the U.S. Open this week.
• Amelie Mauresmo def. Serena Williams 6-4, 0-6, 6-2; Dinara Safina 6-2, 6-3 The battle between two female tennis players who could double as bouncers was won by Mauresmo, with Williams — who at this point is curvier than Beyonce — showing glimpses of her prowess two years ago during a dominant second set. It had the feel of a final. Both could, as Howard Stern says, break your penis. Mauresmo then crushed Safina in 62 minutes to reach the semis.
• Mikhail Youzhny def. Rafael Nadal 6-3, 5-7, 7-6 (5), 6-1. The biggest upset of the Open so far, with the unseeded Youzhny outslugging No. 2 seed Nadal and ruining another Nadal-RogerFederer Grand Slam final. The religious experience that is Federer won in straight sets, of course.
• Tommy Haas def. Robby Ginepri 7-6(1), 6-4, 3-6, 3-6, 7-6(1); Marat Safin 4-6, 6-3, 2-6, 6-2, 7-6 (5) Tommy Haas has played a lot of fucking tennis this week. Ten sets, including two fifth set tiebreaks. First up was Ginepri, in a duel of two dudes who would totally steal your thunder if you decided to take the girl to the university courts on the second date ("Dude, so, what happened?" "Fucking Tommy and Robby were there hitting again.") Haas utilized two dominating tie-breaks in the first and fifth to take the 23-year-old crowd favorite. Haas was 0-7 in five-set matches coming in; Ginepri played four five-setters at least year's Open on his way to the semis. Probably the best match that nobody watched. Haas then took on Safin, perennial Russian underachiever and general pain in the ass both on and off the court, in another five-setter. Down 4-1 in the fifth set tiebreak, Haas stormed back.
• James Blake def. Carlos Moya 6-4 7-6(8) 2-6 6-3; Tomas Berdych 6-4, 6-3, 6-1. Two days after Blake's neon-spandexed tribute to Agassi, Blake dispatched the tanned and tatted Moya in four sets. Probably could've gone five. Blake then followed up Moya by rolling Berdych. This is the best Blake's backhand has looked since high school. His beard too.
• Rodapova def. Lleyton Hewitt 6-3, 7-5, 6-4; Tatiana Golovin 7-6(4), 7-6 (0). Andy Roddick, who made quick work of Agassi's slayer Becker, knocked off Hewitt's and racially-charged groundstrokes in straight sets. Maria Sharapova, aided by a second set tiebreak banana given to her by her father (really) knocked off the pesky fellow countrywoman Golovin to take her Nike cocktail dress into the semis. The two are now on a collision course for a gag-inducing Pat O'Brien segment. Look for it this weekend on CBS.