Star Spitting Is Worst Thing To Happen In Dallas Since Kennedy Assassination

An Eagles fan/employee "defiled" Cowboys Stadium with a vicious (and viscous) attack on the city of Dallas, football fans, and basic human decency. He spit on the star at midfield. Twice. Hey, that artificial turf is expensive to steam clean!

Cowboy Nation is up in arms after Dave Spadaro, a writer for PhiladelphiaEagles.com who had field access before last week's game, concluded his regular pregame YouTube report by expectorating on the famous blue star. That star is the symbol of America's Team, so Spadaro might as well have pulled a Rick Majerus on the Star Spangled Banner (and then handed it to a team manager for Al Qaeda!) The local news is apoplectic, reporting on this devastating desecration in a tone usually reserved for stories about tornadoes and kidnappers. Channel 11 dubbed it the "spit heard round the world," and it is. Provided your world does not extend past Plano.

According to reporter Carol Cavazos, even Eagles fans—who everyone knows are the most vile bastards on the planet—thinks the loogie is going too far. (Even though she didn't quote a single one who thought so.) Spardaro did post a court-ordered apology, as if that would ever be enough to undo this "indecent" affront to God and man.

I suppose I could give the news team the benefit of the doubt and assume this is tongue-in-cheek satire of a friendly sports rivalry, but we are talking about football in Texas. This incident will surely provide plenty of extra motivation for everyone involved in this weekend's crucial playoff game, although at press time, no player from either the Cowboys or the Eagles could possibly give a shit.

Video Shows Eagles Worker Spitting On Cowboys Star [CBS11] An Open Letter Of Apology To The Cowboys [ Philadelphia Eagles] Spit Happens: An Eagle Desecrates Cowboys Stadium [Sportatorium]