1 Page 264 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Is The Longhorn Network Killing The Big 12?
Five years into the grand experiment, and the Longhorn Network is kind of a disaster. It’s losing money hand-over-fist: reportedly $48 million since its launch, with annual losses hovering in the millions. Subscriber fees are painfully low, and ESPN is locked into this thing for another 15 years. An...
Who Will Take Anthony Davis's Spot At The Olympics?
Anthony Davis will undergo surgeries on his knee and shoulder and be out for several months, prompting a very important question: who will start at center for the United States at this summer’s Rio de Janeiro Olympics....
The Hater’s Guide To March Madness 2016
It’s that time of year again … time to say rotten, hateful things about every team in the NCAA tournament bracket. And what a bunch of shitty, corrupt teams they are! I don’t think there’s ever been a tournament featuring so many schools that are in the middle of horrifying scandals: Yale, Cal, Oreg...
Marco Rubio Will Have To Find Another Bed To Shit
Marco Rubio may very well be the emptiest suit to have campaigned for national office in my lifetime. He makes Paul Ryan look like Benjamin Disraeli....
Presenting The 2016 Name Of The Year Bracket
These are exciting times for Name of the Year....
Report: Both Kimbo Slice And Ken Shamrock Failed Drug Tests Before Bellator 149
Per a report from MMA Fighting, Kimbo Slice and Ken Shamrock both tested positive for illegal substances before last month’s Bellator 149. It’s not yet clear what exactly the fighters took, but both face 90-day suspensions and up to $5,000 in fines....
Donald Trump Praises Missouri's Football Teams In Bizarre Speech
In the past twelve months, the state of Missouri has watched its NFL team depart for Los Angeles while its lone Division I-FBS team nearly went on strike due to racism on campus; they went 5-7 on the season. The two FCS programs? Missouri State’s football team went 1-10, while SEMO went 4-7. Donald ...
Donald Trump Shouts Out Paul O'Neill At Press Conference, Gets His Endorsement
Former Yankees outfielder Paul O’Neill showed up at the press conference turned Home Shopping Network program that Donald Trump, a short-fingered megalomaniac, held in Florida tonight, and even got a shoutout during Trump’s speech. John Kasich will be torn up about not getting his fellow Ohioan’s su...
Keith Olbermann Bodyslams Donald Trump Through The Core Of The Earth
Ever since Keith Olbermann left the ESPN airwaves eight months ago, there has been a conspicuous lack of uppercutting people into volcanoes and dropkicking them through glass doors in our lives. But there was no way the man who made his post-SportsCenter name exchanging haymakers with the Bush admin...
Olympian Nick Willis Talks About Beating Porn
“I am 2.5 years porn free (and it feels AMAZING).” New Zealand Olympic silver medalist Nick Willis dropped this bomb on Facebook last week, adding, “Since I was a teenager, it had been a rollercoaster ride of shame and justification as I was on and off with this addiction. Not until I realized the t...
Ben Carson's Presidential Campaign Was A Big Success
Hear me, O Americans. If lots of people want to give you lots and lots of money to go stand on stages and just kinda sleepily free-associate whatever pops into your mind in response to prompts from strangers, and want to treat you like a rock star for doing it, and will support you in this behavior ...
Nate Diaz Shocks MMA World By Choking Out Conor McGregor
Nate Diaz choked out Conor McGregor in tonight’s UFC welterweight main event, shocking the promotion’s featherweight champion with McGregor’s first loss in six years....
Miesha Tate Defeats Holly Holm To Claim UFC Title
Holly Holm’s reign as UFC champion lasted one match after the boxing star that shocked the world by beating Ronda Rousey fell to challenger Miesha Tate at tonight’s pay-per-view event in Las Vegas in the longest women’s bantamweight title fight in UFC history....
Cal And Their Megatalented Freshmen Are Going To Be A Nightmare In The NCAA Tournament
This has been a particularly strong year for Pac-12 basketball. Oregon came out of sorta-nowhere and won the conference title, but below them, Utah has been excellent, as has Arizona. Colorado, Washington, and USC all should make the NCAA Tournament too, but the scariest team in the whole conference...
Should The U.S. Boycott The Rio Olympics?
Oh, hey, looks like Olympic organizers in Rio won’t be able to clear the water of raw sewage in time for this summer’s Olympics. How much danger does poop water present to our athletes, and should we consider, you know, NOT making them compete in poop water by boycotting the whole thing? That’s just...
Republican Voters Vote For A Very Republican Republican
Back in August, I wrote a post accusing the political media of covering Donald Trump’s presidential candidacy more, and more seriously, than it deserved. “Stop Pretending Donald Trump Is Running For President,” I titled the post. D’oh....
Watch John Oliver MURDERSLAY Donald Trump
Making fun of Donald Trump is remarkably easy, but that doesn’t mean it ain’t satisfying. So why not sit back and watch self-described parrot banker John Oliver comprehensively rip Trump a new moneyhole for 20 solid minutes? You won’t be disappointed. You can’t be disappointed. Sometimes the easiest...