a Page 7371 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Noted Chubby Quarterback Makes Widely Derided Prediction
Rex Grossman is the No.1 quarterback on the Redskins' depth chart. I know that means close to absolute zero in the long term, but c'mon: read that first sentence again....
Argentinian Sportswriter Names Twin Daughters "Mara" And "Dona"
Walter Rotundo, an Argentinian sportswriter, celebrated the birth of his twin daughters this week: Mara Delfina and Dona Isabella. They are both lovely names and, taken together, a lovely tribute to a 50-year-old former cocaine addict and alcoholic who once played soccer quite well....
Ron Artest Will Play In The Worst Basketball League In Europe
England could use a little peace right now, and they're getting Metta World Peace. Ron Artest, against the advice of his agent, his sponsors, and anyone who knows anything about basketball, has signed a deal to play for the Cheshire Jets of the British Basketball League....
OK, Who Stole A.J. Burnett's Tricycle?
Your morning roundup for Aug. 10, the day we realized we should probably change our password. Photo via Yahoo!/Getty Images. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....
Calgary's List Of Most Wanted Fugitives Includes Mr. Dakota Neil Weasel Head
This man is on the loose for failure to comply. This man, according to the Vancouver Sun, is Dakota Neil Weasel Head. He's made Calgary Crime Stoppers' list of the city's top 13 fugitives. (No word on whether Jay Feaster made the list, too)....
Dolphins Linebacker Channing Crowder Retires At 27 To Spend More Time With His Own Crazy Thoughts: A Tribute
Miami released Crowder, its trash-talking linebacker, two weeks ago, and Crowder decided to retire today....
David Ortiz Got His Fucking RBI After All
Remember when David Ortiz barged into Terry Francona's press conference and demanded an RBI that had been stricken from the record books? Well, he's gotten it back, Scoggins be damned:...
Wanted: Boston-Area Roommate For High-Strung Veteran Wide Receiver Who Tweets A Lot
Chad Ochocinco, most recently in love with his quarterback: young, fetching Thomas Brady, needs a roommate in Boston. He wants a big Patriots fan, perhaps a real-life Tommy from Quinzee:...
What's All This About Tim Tebow Needing Hormone Replacement Therapy?
I'm a little confused. I wouldn't have believed Tim Tebow would need hormone replacement therapy — he seems like a healthy young man in the prime of his life. Frankly, I would have been shocked if someone told me Tim Tebow needed hormone replacement therapy. But it's a funny funny world we live in, ...
LeBron James Urges Americans To "Take A Sheet" At The Mall
Maybe you saw the ads during the NBA playoffs when LeBron James put some kind of radioactive-looking flavor strip on his tongue and nodded sagaciously. The strips are called Sheets. They contain as much caffeine as a cup of coffee, along with a few vitamins so we can all pretend this isn't a bad i...
This Evening: From Russia With Love Dolls
Your p.m. roundup for Aug. 9, the day we were priced out of the market for an aluminum bat. Photo via EnglishRussia.com. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....
Five For Fighting: Comics Vs. Hecklers
There are hecklers at almost every comedy show. They are not to be encouraged and never welcome. They are a nuisance. They change the rhythm of the show because they want attention....
Another Golfer Says Steve Williams Violated The Caddie Code
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Paul Azinger knows golf has unwritten rules too....
Shannon Sharpe Looks More Bad-Ass Leaving A Port-A-Potty Than Anyone Else Does
This photo comes from tipster Michael, who says he took it backstage at the Hall of Fame induction ceremony over the weekend. Afterward, Sharpe delivered a great speech....
Get To Know A Comic You Probably Don't Know: Kumail Nanjiani
I moved to America from Pakistan at 18 to attend Grinnell College in Iowa. Came out of Chicago with a bunch of other talented comedians—Hannibal Buress, Jared Logan, and Brooke Van Poppelen. My jokes are usually observational: a lot of them have to do with pop culture, and they always end with a q...
Chris Johnson's Holdout Is Good News For Titans Fans; Eagles Fans Should Probably Worry About DeSean Jackson
Happy August 9th! It's a day you should have circled on your football calendar, because today's the day that players have to report to camp in order to accrue a year of service. As dictated by the new CBA, any players still holding out for reworked contracts will have to wait an extra year for their...
Shaq's New Girlfriend Is Admirably Comically Sized (UPDATE: This Is How They Kiss)
Maybe she could fit inside one of his long jean short legs?...
Envisioning The Death Of The NBA
I have a lingering personal defect, which is that I always, without fail, overestimate the power of both staplers and hole punchers. If I have a stack of 50 pages that I need stapled and I see a tinyass Swingline stapler and I'm like, "NO PROBLEMO." Then I go to staple the pages together and the sta...
Asthmatic 61-Year Old's Cuba-To-Florida Swim Torpedoed By Asthma
We brought you news yesterday of Diana Nyad, a 61-year-old woman who was trying to swim from Cuba to Florida without a shark cage. Nyad would have broken her own record for cage-free swims. Unfortunately, she only made it halfway before being hauled on to a support boat in the middle of the night wh...
Finally, Hulk Hogan Addresses The London Riots
Hulk Hogan joined Richard Bacon on BBC Radio 5 today, and a weary nation eagerly awaited the comforting words of the Hulkster. If the 24-inch pythons can't get those looters to settle down and shape up, nothing can....