a Page 7498 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

And Now A Picture Of The Worst Custom Heat Jersey Ever Made
In honor of the Heat/Celtics series, this guy has made a video of how to wash your car and clean your ceiling fan with a Paul Pierce jersey. And he did it all while wearing this obnoxious custom-made Big Three jersey....

Snapshot Of America: A Scene From The Philadelphia Crowd
Says reader Scott, who sent this in: "a red-faced, toothless whiskey tango of a Phillies fan taking a pack of Camels back from his kid is quite outstanding." Yes, yes he is. Click to enlarge for your full-size commemorative edition screengrab....

UFL To Conduct Player Draft On Twitter Tonight
You know one entity that was thrilled with the NFL lockout, nonplussed when a judge canceled it, and is probably glad that it's been reinstated? The UFL!...

Guy Who Is Not Even Suing Anyone Says Roger McDowell Made His Kid Cry
Roger McDowell is kind of a dick. You may have suspected this had you seen Gloria Allred's mildly erotic press conference last week. And you may have guessed it, too, when MLB suspended him yesterday for two weeks, without pay. But a few of you probably held reservations (because of Allred, because ...

On Steven Seagal And Lyoto Machida's Absurd Crane Kick Knockout Of Randy Couture
On Saturday night, Lyoto Machida landed a spectacular "Danielson" front kick to Randy Couture's jaw that dislodged a molar and sent Couture into retirement. Just as Anderson Silva did in February, when he knocked out Vitor Belfor with a similar kick, Machida credited Steven Seagal for helping him ...

Kings Have At Least One More Year Of Mediocre Basketball Ahead Of Them In Sacramento
"We're going to stay in Sacramento for another year," Kings co-owner George Maloof said today. "We appreciate [the fans'] loyalty to the franchise, and we're going to give Mayor [Kevin] Johnson another try to hopefully bring his vision to reality with a new arena." The vision had better include mone...

How ESPN Engineered Mark Ingram's Magic Moment
There was a very strange minute of television last week. After Ingram was drafted by New Orleans at No. 28 overall — the same position his father went in 1987 — Suzy Kolber presented/confronted the son with an email from the father....

In The Future, All Communications With Ohio State Will Be Via Billboard
It's always enjoyable to see OSU put their foot in their mouths, and it's even more fun to rub it in on the side of the highway. Hot on the heels of TCU's "Little Sisters of the Poor" billboards comes this simple-yet-effective taunt along I-94 in Michigan. [via]...

Future Robot Overlord Practices Snagging Human Skulls
On to the next war: the coming robot uprising. And — OH SHIT THEY CAN CATCH NOW....

If MLB Pulls This Video, They Hate America
Your morning roundup for May 2, the day Fox News kept being wrong....

Osama Bin Laden Is Dead, Professional Wrestler Declares In Most American Video Ever
And then John Cena holds up his championship belt, and "The Stars and Stripes Forever" starts playing over the speakers. Everything about this is perfect, right down to the guy shouting, "We won." [via @SherwoodStrauss]...

Wrestler Could Have Gotten Away With Robbing A Bank If It Wasn't For His Meddling Fans
On the Combat Zone Wrestling field of battle, Nicholas Wilson went by the name of Nick Gage and his was best known for "his daring feats in the ring." Alas, grappling connoisseurs will go a half decade without seeing said daring feats unless they happen to be in a New Jersey state prison....

We Are All Dave McKenna LXXXVI
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Master Snyder's dumbass libel suit gets coldly and effortlessly dismembered to send a message to anybody who thinks their money affords them the right to treat the legal syst...

A Canadian Ultimate Fighter's Head Resembled The Elephant Man By The Time UFC 129 Was Over
Those of you who are all into the UFC thing have probably already seen this. However, the grotesque deformity that became Mark "The Machine" Hominick's head during the featherweight-belt fight vs. Jose Aldo last night in Toronto is the type of thing that should be seen by the masses at dinnertime o...

Here's Video Of People Dancing To Sir Mix-A-Lot Outside A Braves Game
This footage of "Don Doing Work" while "tailgating at an Atlanta Braves game" gets a lot less annoying 2:10 in. This is because Don cedes the parking-lot circle to some fellow tailgaters, at least one of whom has clearly interpreted "Baby Got Back" in a variety of settings before....

Watch Santa Claus Steal A Ball From A Young Fan At Today's A's/Rangers Game Before MLB Takes The Video Down
Tipster R.R. titled this video, "You're an arse if... or... how Santa steals baseballs from kids during his off-season." Early viewers should feel free to comment with vivid descriptions so Craggs and his Crayolas'll have something to work with on the morrow....

Here's A Picture Of Sammy Sosa's Twins
Tipster Derek S. sends in this bit of photographic proof that "the White Sammy Sosa is at the Heat/Celtics game today." He seems to be right....

Your NHL Playoffs Open Thread
Both the San Jose Sharks and Tampa Bay Lightning attempt to take two-game leads in their respective playoff series. For the Sharks, that'd mean holding rink against the Detroit Red Wings. For the Lightning, that'd mean heading south only needing to win two of three home games against the Washington...

This Is What A Windsurfing Accident Looks Like To A Nearby Windsurfer
A couple weeks ago, windsurfer Boujmaa Guilloul was involved in a serious accident while trying to land the elusive Triple Loop at Ho'okipa. It was a water in the lungs, broken fingers type thing....

Your NBA Playoffs Open Thread
The game that could've been an I-5 grudge match between the Seattle SuperSonics and Vancouver Grizzlies will, in fact, be played at 1 p.m. eastern when Memphis visits the Oklahoma City Thunder. So, they'll couch it as the battle between two of the youngest rosters in NBA history and be done with al...